Heartbreak Girl // A.F.I

2

Kelsey's POV // Sydney, Australia 

After we all leave Ash's house, I walk across the street and go inside to my house. I unlock the door, and the house is completely dark, besides the glow of the TV in my living room.

"I'm home!" I yell into the dark.

"Hi sweetie! How was your last day?" My mom asks from the living room.

"Good! We went to —" I start as I'm interrupted by my phone ringing. I check my phone, which I haven't checked since I got to Ashton's house, I have 5 missed calls from Derek.

"Call me when you see this, we need to talk." Derek's text says.

Oh god.
God god god I hope he's not still mad at me from our argument earlier. 

I take a deep breath, preparing for the worst. I call him and he picks up.

"Hey Derek!" I answer brightly.

"Hi," He answers stiffly, the anger still apparent in his voice.

"What's up?"

"Why didn't you answer my call?"

"I was with Jocelyn." That wasn't exactly a lie.

"You still ended up going to hang out with your guy friends, didn't you? Remember what I told you would happen if you did that?"

I think of what Ashton and I talked about earlier and I get a streak of confidence that I don't usually have. 

"Okay, seriously? You're going to threaten me, again? What are you going to do that you haven't done to me already?

"You don't want to find out."

We sit in silence for a moment, and I hang up.

"Kelsey? You still there?" Derek says.

"Yeah."

"The original reason I called was to tell you, I just found out I ended up getting accepted to Oxford in the fall...since I was on the waitlist, you know? I just found out I'm moving there in two weeks to start my program early.." He says. 

"Oh."

Is this good news or bad news?

"Yeah, so...we'll figure something out. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I say, hanging up the phone. I sit on the side of my bed and try to process what he just told me. On one hand, he's going to be all the way in Oxford next year, and if we keep dating that will suck, because as shitty as he is to me, I still love him. I think. But, there will be no consequences for me if I break up with him while he's there.

I decide to call Ashton to see what he thinks since he knows the most out of all of my friends what the situation is. Not that I've been very truthful to him. I don't know if I'll ever tell him what has actually happened between me and Derek since the party.  I started not talking to them about anything to do to our relationship since then. 

But, you know, despite all the shit Derek has put me through, the thing I've felt the worst about during my high school years was lying to my friends about all of it, and telling them that it was fine. Especially Ashton. I've never felt more guilty about lying to someone, especially him. He can read me so well that he knows instantly when I'm not telling the truth. He's probably the person I'm closest to in this entire world. It kills me to not be telling him everything, but I want to handle this myself.

I pick up my phone and call Ashton, hoping he's still awake. 

"Hey Kels, are you okay?" He says, sounding concerned. I can tell he's tired. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, well sort of. I'm really sorry to bother you. I need to talk to you about something," I say hesitantly. 

"Yeah, anything. What's up?"

"Well, so...you know how I told you that Derek got waitlisted for Oxford? Well, he got word today that he's got accepted, and he's starting early...as in, he's leaving in two weeks, and didn't say when he was coming back," I say. 

"Oh shit... how did you feel about it?" He says.

"I really don't know. I'm upset, but I'm also a little...relieved? Is that bad?"

"It's not bad, I wouldn't say, but do you feel like that might tell you something about what you actually feel about him?"

I'm silent. I think about everything Derek and I have been through, everything. There have been so many good moments with him, but..overshadowing it all, is the fear that plagues me every day when I see him. All of the times I had thought it would get better...it hadn't. It had just gotten worse, and worse, and worse. The feelings I have for him are still there, but what am I losing to keep those feelings going. 

"You still there?" Ash says.

"I love him...I think?"

"You think?"

"But I..I don't think it's worth it to stay with him. He's put me through so much shit." I say. 

"Whatever you decide, I'll be here for you. We'll be here for you." He says, and hearing him say that fills me with so much joy. I feel more confident to be able to do this and finally break it off with Derek. 

"I think I will, but I'm not sure when or how I can do it without him being able to get to me." 

"You could just wait until he's at Oxford, then you wouldn't even have to worry about it."

"That's true! Okay, I think I might do that. Ashton..." I say hesitantly. I really want to tell him what has been really going on. I just don't think over the phone is the time for me to do that.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"Nothing. It's not important. I'm going to let you go for tonight so I can think about what I'm going to do...goodnight Ashton. Thanks for being there for me, I really appreciate you."

"I'm here any time you need me, goodnight Kels."

Ashton's POV

I felt like she was about to tell me what was going on with her and Derek, but I'm not going to push her to tell me. I want her to be able to tell me on her own terms because I think she will tell me when she's ready. I know, though, whatever's going on, it's really bothering her. She looked so relieved when she told me about Derek getting accepted to Oxford, whether it was intentional or not. 

She must be really anxious about the whole situation. I know she wants time to process it alone, but I think it might be good to talk through her feelings in person. I'm really kicking myself for not bringing it up on the phone. 

I get a thought, thinking of university. Kelsey said she's going to be going to the University of Sydney..but she got waitlisted for Yale up in the United States. I remember Yale had been her dream school ever since she was a kid. That was always the goal for her, she had talked about it and planned it out for years. University was always so far away, but when it came time to apply to them, I realized how scared I was that she would get accepted to Yale and go all the way to Connecticut in the US because she is the person I'm closest to.  I quickly realized how selfish that was of me when the boys and I realized our own dreams of becoming a big band. I remember how much she cried when she got waitlisted to Yale, but not accepted. She was heartbroken, I realized how selfish I was as her best friend, to wish she wouldn't go there, and then she basically wasn't, just like that. 

I get an idea and call her up again.

"Hey. Meet me out in the woods, in our spot," I say.

"I can't though, my parents won't let me out now that I'm home again," She says. 

"Sneak out your window. It's nothing you haven't done before."

"Okay, fair," she says laughing, "See you in five minutes."

I hang up and head to the woods.