Sin (BoyxBoy) (Ziam)

Suspicion

Welcome to another chapter of Sin!

Warning: Zayn's thoughts are still pretty dark, and they may be triggering to some readers.

    Over all, I hope you enjoy this update and are as excited as I am for the next one!

Chapter 6:

      I was exhausted as I climbed out of bed to get dressed for school. I didn't sleep at all. I stayed up all night just staring at the ceiling, thinking about the hurt look on Liam's face, the mysterious bruises that littered his skin, begging for some kind of release from all of the pain pent up inside of me.

       I thought about my mum. And I was never sure if I really believed in heaven, but I knew my mum would definitely be an angel if it did exist. She would be taking care of her baby, who should have been my sibling, but she would make time for me. She always said that. "Even with this new baby, I'll always have time for you, Zayn. You just have to be patient, my little bird."

     "I'm being as patient as I can, mum," I whispered, as I looked at myself in the mirror. I had dark bags beneath my eyes that seemed to be normal for me now. They were an everyday appearance, and I've learned to accept them. I learned that nobody noticed them if they were focused on your taunting smirk.

      Looking in the mirror scarred me. Because my reflection was a constant cross between a vile, evil thing that took pleasure in pushing others down, and a hurt, broken little thing that was barely even hanging on. And it was so hard to hang on.

      I felt tears well in my eyes as I looked myself in the eyes. And it wasn't that I didn't recognize myself, it was the fact that I knew exactly what I had become that ripped gashes of agony through me. And the wound was left to bleed and the infection to fester. And it would grow, more and more each and every day until it rendered me useless. Until it killed me physically just as it had mentally.

      I looked at the scars that decorated my arms and thighs, and I despised every single mark. I hated the way they defined me. The way they were constant reminders of skin I tried to cut away; skin that I wanted to remove because of the disgusting ways it had been touched. But burning it didn't work, cutting it away didn't work, only drinking brought about a burning haze that would drown my sorrows if only for a moment.

       I quickly got dressed for school and threw my backpack on before smiling as I said goodbye to my aunt. I rushed to school, and I did my best not to run into any of the guys today because I didn't want to put up with any of them. I just wanted to see Liam. I had the strange urge to make sure he was okay. Really okay.

       I did meet up with Louis, however, and we only exchanged a few words before I rushed off to class, standing in the doorway to the art room and scanning the rows of stools for Liam.

     When I finally saw him, he was looking down at the table in front of him, and I felt a bit reassured. He seemed like he was okay. Maybe I was overexaggerating. Perhaps I was just getting all of these insane ideas in my head because I knew what it was like. I knew what it was to go home everyday in fear and to shake underneath your blanket at night, muffling your cries with your pillows because the one place you were suppose to feel safe in, was the one place you couldn't.

       I swallowed thickly at the thought, and I moved out of the doorway, moving to sit beside Liam. As soon as I reached the seat, I slapped a hand on the back of his head and smirked. "Miss me, princess?"

      He sat there, completely silent as he offered all of his attention to the grey table in front of him. And I know what happens when you don't speak up. Being silent is probably the worst thing you can do-- the biggest mistake to make.