Samsāra

Chapter Nine

The night before Ajiona was summoned to the presence of Rajamata Sivagami Devi in her private apartments instead of the sabha, Rudra visited her. Throughout the day, Mekhala and Pragya had berated her about going out and getting into a fight. Mekhala was almost hysterical as she listed out all that could have happened, including the loss of her honour and being killed by the brutes that were slaves. Pragya and Gandhari said nothing but a few words and a look of disappointment that was enough to send anyone cowering. They thought she didn't understand her words but their tones conveyed enough, so Ajiona did her best to look contrite almost to the point of tears and Mekhala cradled her head to her stomach like a mother would, like her mother would, patting her hair. Ajiona truly burst into tears then, ugly gulping sobs that took everyone by surprise. It took a while before she could pull herself together and stopped her tears. Mekhala smeared turmeric paste on her peeled knuckles and bruises and sang her to sleep.

Her slumber was deep and restful and she woke well into the night. Tiptoeing around the sleeping pallets to the balcony, she sat on the sandalwood bench. It was a dark cold night, the moon and stars were nowhere to be found and the wind was biting. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

'Peek-a-'

'Haven't you heard of knocking? You are barging into my private moment.' Without opening her eyes she turned her head in Rudra's direction. It occurred to her she shouldn't be speaking so to a deity but she was too upset to care deeply about the consequences.

'Do you really think you have a private moment? Thousands of eyes watch you mortals every second even if you are in the darkest of places.'

She opened her eyes. ‘It gives us the illusion of control, of our lives, actions. We mortals like to be in control, to not be is destabilising.' A note of bitterness had crept into her voice.

'You blame me for something,' Rudra noted.

'You stole me from my home!' she said quietly but there was the resentment and accusation in her voice.

'You came of your own freewill. I didn't force you to do anything but it was imperative for you to be here.'

'Why? I'm not even from here. What am I supposed to do? Rule the kingdom? According to the guide I die at a pretty young age.'

'You remember,' he said softly.

'Not all. I remember my family, I remember Hyderabad, I remember coming to Mahishmathi, I remember the dance, the festival, I remember myself in the portrait, and I remember the princes and their mother's faces but not their names. I remember walking up to the palace and wishing for true love and you appeared. I remember Ganesha the guide telling us how the princes lives ended but I cannot make out his voice, it seemed garbled and I couldn't hear. There are gaps in my memory and I assume you took some memory from me. That's a heinous breach of privacy. I guess you wont tell me what you took or how the princes' lives ended.'

Rudra was silent for a while, before he spoke, Ajiona said: 'How's my mother?'

'She misses you. She cries every night like you do. But like you, she is strong, stronger than you think. Your uncle cares for her with as much devotion as you did. Your friend helps too.'

Ajiona nodded struggling to swallow the sob rising to her throat. 'I can't beg you to take me back home, can I?'

'You are not here to rule the kingdom or become queen. You are here to help save the lives of some people considered small and their souls. It's something no one else will do, not even Amarendra Bahubali in his goodness. Only you Ajiona. What you will do might be considered inconsequential but at the end it is the most anyone has and will ever do for Mahishmathi.'