Betrayal✔

Extended version. Final♡

~Xavier~

I opened my mouth to say something while she stood and waited. Nothing seemed to blurt out except for her name, which smoothly rooled off my tongue but we both get interrupted by a ring tone. We both look down to our phones and I clicked my phone's screen seeing that my phone wasn't the one ringing.

"Hi I- no... okay I'll be there," I heard Amanda say and I get upset that she has to leave. I will never have enough of her.

"I have to leave," she whispered and I nodded, getting into the car before turning on the engine.

The ride back to the place was silent.  I should have reminded her what she said earlier but I didn't, I could have done or said something to try harder, but I didn't. I should have had, I wished I did and that was my mistake- wishing I had done something.

I parked next to her car in the parking lot, gripping the steering wheel while the emotions, confusion, and nervousness swirled inside my head.

I looked at her  and found her looking with words in her eyes while the tension got thicker.
I knew she wanted to say something; her eyes said it all. And somehow before she even said a thing there was a knot in my stomach.
It felt like it was going to be the end even though she had said nothing.

I took deep breaths and waited, not able to mouth any words. Whatever I wanted to say was not as easy as it sounded in my head.

"I," she started and I found myself holding my breath, while watchinf her look at her fingers.

She paused, sighing while my heart raced.

She looked at me with her eyes filled with puddles of tear. She opened her mouth once again and a tear coursed down her cheek making me involuntarily reach out and slowly wipe it off, keeping my hand on her cheek for as long as possible.

She cupped my hand before she took it off her cheek and whispered two really complicated words that could mean anything, "I can't."  Two words i’d been praying not to hear.

Before I could utter any word she opened the passenger's door and stepped out.

I couldn't let her go without fighting, I couldn't allow myself to do that mistake all over again.
I had to try even if I couldn't succeed. I had to give it a shot.

"Amanda, please don't do this," I begged, rushing behind her.

Her back was to me and I knew that the tears had fallen down in an unrestrained manner. 

"Talk to me," I pleaded once more. I couldn't handle the silence.

She turned around looking at me and even with wet cheeks and eyes clouded with tears she still took my breath away.

She came closer and I took her trembling hands in mine.

"Just know that it seemed easy to pretend to love you, because I wasn't pretending at all. I still and will always do," she said, looking up at me with a half smile.

The last sentence rang in my head and gave my heart hope. This woman meant the world to me.

I couldn't ask her to stay, because it was far more complicated than saying a four letter word.

I brought her hand to my face and kissed her fingers.

"But almost every time I see you all I can see is a gun in your hand to my father's head. I-I can't sleep without nightmares... I can't handle it," she continued and my breath hitched the second those words slipped.

My heart squeezed and twisted in pain.

The illusion of Amanda and I being forever was slowly fading. I couldn't seem to accept it but I had to, because staying together would be difficult for both her and I.

We remind each other of the darkness. Neither of us deserved fate's cruel game.

I lost all control and engulfed her between my arms. She leaned her head on my chest while wrapping her arms around me, letting me hold her.

"I wish it never happened, I wish it wasn't you," she whispered against my chest and that made me tighten my grip on her.

I wish.
We could only wish.

"I have to go away. Take a break," she sternly said, sniffing.

I was going to lose her all over again and even though I had lost her several times, I still wasn't ready and will never be.

"We could fight harder," I suggested, with the tinge of hope ringing in me.

"It has conquered me. I need this, Xavier."

"Love conquers all," I stated cupping her face. 

She chuckled, more tears trickling down her cheeks. I leaned and kissed her tears.

She then stood on her toes, her lips just a mere centimeters away from mine. I needed one last taste of her, one last time to have her lips against mine. I needed that to keep me sane while she was away.

I kissed her, tasting the saltiness of her tears on her swollen damped lips. I tasted fate's betrayal and cruelty.

I broke the kiss and whispered against her lips, "it'll always be you."

 "Promise me one thing," she whispered, leaning her head on my chest.

"What is it?"

"Stop smoking, it'll kill you."
Same old Amanda.

"Your long absence will."

"Maybe we'll meet again when we've long forgotten... If you get the chance and find someone better, move on."

I shake my head. "Only you, forever."

She kissed me once more but this one was softer than the first and lasted a few seconds before she let go of my hand and walked away.

Once again, I stood in place while I watched the love of my life walk away with no single clue of the place she'd be gone to or when she'd be back.

But I will wait, for her heart is the only thing I want.
And I always get what I want.

Amanda Anderson- that kept me going.

This story means a lot to me and I want to thank you all for sticking with me, supporting me, motivating me, and giving me your time.
-It was an amazing journey
Stephanie Chagoury🖤