Remains

I See Stars / Erika Hennigsen

The next morning, Isabelle felt different. 

She couldn't quite describe the difference, nor could she pinpoint what had changed. However, for some reason, she knew for sure that something wasn't in the right place. 

She paced across the carpet of her living room, straining to figure out what this new feeling was. 

I was the only survivor of a terrorist supermarket shooting. I have felt so alone in this that I've never stopped to think that others may feel something even remotely similar to what I have. Everyone comes to know loss, it just depends on how much is lost and how much that it means to them. For me, I've lost my pride, my confidence, and my courage. For the longest time, the only thing that defined me was the remains of what happened. But now? Why do I now feel as though there is something more to me than the fear that he has left behind? I used to be so easily shattered, so ready to avoid my past in every way. Although, now I feel like the past is finally behind me. Is this where I finally begin to move on? 

Isabelle stopped her pacing for a moment, her eyes lingering on where Liam was sitting the night before. 

Was Liam the key to finding peace? Was he the thing that was going to bring me back into reality? Was it him all along? Maybe letting myself retell and embrace my story really was the key to freeing myself from my pain. 

At once, Isabelle knew what the new feeling was. 

Being believed in. 

Isabelle smiled genuinely, realizing that maybe his faith in her was not misplaced. He believes in me. For the first time in years, someone believes in me. He told me I'm a hero. I didn't believe him then, but maybe I'm starting to now. 

Isabelle dropped to her knees, a disbelieving smile gracing her lips and tears of relief trailed down her cheeks. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

She let out a sound that was a mix between a laugh and a sob, running her hands through her hair. 

You can't hear me, Liam, but thank you. Without you, I'd still be afraid to speak. I'd still be afraid of letting myself near people again. I can somehow feel myself returning. I know it'll be a long time until I'm restored, but for some reason, it doesn't seem so hard anymore. The person I once was finally seems within reach. 

Thank you. 

Isabelle looked up at the ceiling, still weeping in incredulity. 

Is this it? The moment where everything changes? 

Isabelle shook her head at her own thoughts. 

How many times have I asked that question? 'Is this it? Is this where I die? Is this it? Where it all ends?' How do I know when it's really 'it'? How do I know when the world has decided to end an era and introduce a new one? 

Isabelle once again glanced at the seat where Liam sat. 

No. 

I can't doubt myself any longer. This really is 'it'. I'm closing this chapter of my life and beginning a new one. 

Isabelle shakily stood, fists clenched. She turned, striding towards her desktop computer. 

There's no going back. 

I'm not just doing it for everyone else — not just for Liam, or Sadie, or my parents. 

She typed in her password and opened her browser, clicking into her emails. 

No, I'm not doing it for them. 

I'm doing it for me. 

She scanned her inbox, and her face lit up when she saw she had one new email. The email she was anticipating. 

It is time. 

Time for me to change.

Time to put the terror attack behind me. 

Time for closure.