𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐔𝐓 - (𝟎𝟎𝟏)

-delicate

you used to be gentle with me.
like you knew
how easy you could break me;
and you wanted to tell me
with your hands
and your lips
every moment you could,
that you wanted me to stay.

you would trace things on my back
with feather soft fingers,
lace our fingers together
so carefully,
weave your fingers in my hair,
rest your chin on my shoulder
whisper words just for me
across my collarbone.
usually instead of even saying hi,
just a hug from behind
and i'd know it was you.
but always so carefully;
like you could tell
how delicate
how fragile
i was
in your hands.

but now you're rougher.
i find that
you only seem to want me
when someone else does
too.
you're harsh and raw
and i'm not sure what to make of it.

because you still
leave traces down my back,
hold my hand in the hallway,
put your hands in my hair,
your face against my neck,
move your lips across my collarbone.

but it's different because
you press your nails into my back
to get my attention
even though you know
the slightest brush
would make me whip around,
grab my hand and drag me away from
whoever was making me smile
squeeze my fingers so hard that
i can feel my pulse in each one,
you tangle your fingers in my hair
pull a little to make it sting,
bite marks into my shoulder
so that you can say
i'm still yours,
run your teeth
over my collarbone
red marks
so i know—
i'm still yours.

it's like you're just seeing
how much i can take.
like you're just waiting
until i break.

like you know
that you're rubbing me raw
and making my edges all jagged,
and slowly but surely
breaking my heart.

like you know
that i was only ever
that delicate.
and that fragile.
in your hands.
like you know
that i'm still delicate.
still fragile.
in your hands;
and you,
just don't,
care.

5/8/18