So its been awhile since I did anything with this book, considering the last thing mentioned is the beginning of summer before eighth grade. I don't know if I'm ever gonna publish this part, but even if I don't it'll be a relief to get this out. I might even send a link of this to my friends, but I don't know yet.
Anyway, I recently found an app called Not Okay, it's really handy when you have people who care. You get them to accept being someone on your contact list and all you have to do to alert them is hit a single button. I hit that button at 4:35 and it's currently 6:40. Not a single person on my list have responded, which really doesn't help with the reason I hit the button.
Lately, I've been feeling like my best friend has replaced me or is at least close. She told me shes terrified of our group breaking apart and drifting away and she doesn't see that it's her that's leaving. She recently got a girlfriend and they've been together for three months as of Friday last week, and she has been drifting away from us since. Obviously, I'm happy for her and wish her luck in her relationship. She still turns to us in times of trouble. She used to trust me with her biggest secret and now the only time she talks to me is when she needs to copy me for Bio or speech. It's really hard to see your best friend slowly replace you.
I also feel like I'm the third wheel to everyone. The unneeded and unwanted. Two of my friends are shipped together, and it's perfect and gonna happen. (If you read this SORRY) Another friend has pretty much left the group outside of a chat and occasionally breakfast. My best friend was covered above, One of the shipped is best friends with another group member and they have a million inside sayings and jokes. Those are the ones in band along with me, and anytime there's a trip or concert or anything like it, I feel unneeded. Obviously, they don't mean to do this but human nature. There's a group of them that have known each other longer, so they trust each other more, naturally. I really don't want to say anything to them because they'll just feel bad and try for a little but they always forget me. The other two aren't in band and they are close to each other. That leaves me. Alone. I used to have my best friend, but shes leaving. Now i just have to tag alone with other people. It makes me feel so bad.
Once, I hit the button and someone responded. He asked what was wrong and i told him a little of the above parts, mainly the best friend part. I pointed out that nobody talks to me at the table anymore since she has started drifting. He promised that he would talk to me at least once every day. He did really well at first, but he's forgotten. Everyone always forgets about me. It's easy to do. Now if he reads this, he's gonna feel bad, which is why I can't tell them all of this.
Nobody would really care if I didn't show up at school or if I started to distance myself from them. They would just act like they cared. That's what they do anyway. That's why they've stopped responding to my fuck it button. They have forgotten their promises and they have been acting since day one. They never really liked me. Who would? I think I'm gonna delete the fuck it button. Why keep a worthless app that everyone has gotten sick of me pressing.
I asked them to provide me with reasons why they were my friend. None of them could give me a real answer, or at least one that would explain why they're still around, 3 years after meeting me. One said because I didn't care that he smelled, one because I encourage them, another because I always have their back. That doesn't make sense. The same person who said I encourage them, I spent close to two years stabbing them with a pencil. The one who said I didn't care about smell, I've pissed him off, he's scared of me.
I hate puns. Most of the time. When I'm comfortable around people, I send them memes and puns all the time. Now that I've finally reached that point with my friends, they make my nick name Fake *****. Apparently I have a very good stone face.
It's now 7:30 and I'm debating sending this to my friends. I think I'm gonna but I don't really expect any of them to actually read it. Well, if they do, Hi.
That's all I'm gonna out here partially because I really can't take thinking about the rest of it and partially because I really want to know whether or not they're gonna actually read it.
