Nicholas Grey Must Not Die | ✓

9 | Quiet

"It's always on a night like tonight I think that you can read my mind, 'cause when you look at me with those eyes, I'm speechless"

~ Speechless (Dan + Shay)

He cried for a long time. His arms were tight around my waist, holding me against his body. After a while, his body went limp. I was too weak to handle his weight, so I slowly guided us to the floor. There, I sat with his head buried in the nape of my neck as he silently cried. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. 

I rested my chin on his soft hair, feeling his breathing normalize over time. 

A while later, he moved, causing my embrace around him to loosen. He looked up, meeting my anxious gaze. He looked drained. His eyes were red and my heart hurt at the sight. 

"I'm sorry for that," he whispered, his voice raspy. He moved away further, sitting up to his normal height.

Now it was I who looked up to meet his eyes. I shook my head rapidly. "No, no. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm glad you let it out. It's not healthy to hold your feelings in, Nick."

A small smile tugged at the edge of his lips. "You don't mind?"

God, he looked so vulnerable. I feared I was too weak to be strong for him, but I knew I had to try. So, I scooted closer to him, closing the gap he'd put between us and gently cupped his sharp jaw in my hands. "No, I don't mind. I want you to know that I'm on your side. I know I already said this to you, but I want you to know I mean it with all my heart. I believe you. I want you to trust me to be your strength when you need it. I will be there for you no matter what, especially through this. Don't hesitate to talk to me about anything. And if you feel like letting out your emotions like this or in any other way, I'm only a phone call away, whatever I may be doing at the moment. I will drop whatever it is to be by your side, okay?"

Something flashed in his eyes as I spoke and his smile widened. "Okay."

I don't know what possessed me at that moment, perhaps I wanted to solidify my words, but I reached up and landed a strong peck on his cheek. My heart tightened at the contact. I slowly pulled away, afraid that it was a move I shouldn't have made. 

Our eyes met then, the strain in his eyes melting away immediately. He looked surprised, surely mirroring what I felt. I half expected him to act like that didn't just happen and half to push me away.

Within a manner of a second, though, he grabbed both my forearms to pull my body against his and then softly grasped my neck with one hand and my waist with the other as he pulled my lips to his.

I don't think he fully understood what he was starting because he was hesitant against my lips at first, almost as if he was surprised that we were kissing. Then he let out the deepest guttural groan I've ever heard before tightening his hold around my waist and sharply pulling my body against his. He kissed me with so much passion that my eyes rolled back and an uncontrollable moan escaped me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down as closely as I could. There was something about the kiss I couldn't explain, something about it that made it so much different from other kisses I've shared. Have you ever had to solve a problem that you couldn't understand, no matter how much you tried and no matter how much googling you did? Then you find someone who explains it to you so simply and you sit there dumbfounded at how easy it suddenly becomes. This was that for me. Something about it felt so easy, so good...too good. His lips were soft, moving against mine in a beautiful sync. My heart was beating way too fast and my brain had liquefied. I couldn't help but put everything into the kiss. Everything I felt three years ago to everything I feel now. I wanted him to know everything. My eyes burned with tears and I let them escape my closed eyes.

A soft whimper escaped me, causing him to pulled away slightly. When he caught sight of my tears, his eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me worriedly. "What's wrong?"

He backed away a bit more, probably trying to get a better look at me. However, I panicked and tightened my hold, pulling him closer. "I just can't believe this is happening. After all those years, we're finally here."

He gave me a sweet smile. "You don't mind that I just kissed you?"

I couldn't help the smile that split my lips. "Why would I?"

He shrugged. "I-I just...I didn't know you liked me like that."

"I didn't either until I came back to town just to see you messing around with multiple girls," I said in a muted voice, not wanting to admit my feelings all at once. Perhaps he'd think I was faking it so that he would forgive me for how I reacted when he told me the truth. But I wasn't. I meant everything I was saying and doing. My subconscious has wanted him ever since it discovered that boys aren't just full of cooties. I was just late to the game.

"Three years is a long time, isn't it?" he whispered, more to himself than to me.

I took in a shaken breath. "Did the years change how you felt about me?"

"You know they didn't, Iris," he shook his head, he thumbs delicately caressing my cheeks.

My breath hitched in my throat. "Then kiss me again."

"Iris...I," he stopped and inhaled a heavy breath before continuing, "I want to, I do, but I shouldn't-I can't. You're doing more than enough just by standing by my side and believing in me. I can't force you into this as well."

I blinked multiple times, unable to hide my shock at his words. When it finally dawned on me what he was saying, what he was trying to do, I grabbed his face between my hands and forced him to meet my eyes. "You are not forcing me into anything, Nick. I know you think I disregarded your feelings weeks ago when you told me, but I didn't-I haven't. Is it so bad, so unbelievable, that I would want you on my own merit? I was angry with you for three years; I hated you for three years, thinking you threw me away like I was nothing. But there's a very thin line between hate and love and it wasn't that hard for me to cross over, especially once I found out the truth behind what happened three years ago. I want you. Please, just...just don't push me away again. I don't think I can handle it this time," I said in a plea, my voice weakening towards the end. My vision was blurry with the tears that threatened to fall and my face was covered with the tears that were already falling. I felt overwhelmed with fear that he may actually push me away. I'd grown so attached to him in a manner of weeks and I didn't even see him that much during. I was pleading with him with my eyes, begging him to not do this. 

I could see the change in his eyes. From wary to understanding, his eyes softened. He caught my tears with his thumbs and brushed them away. Then he leaned in, so slowly, and my eyes fluttered shut when our lips met. 

We had so much we needed to talk about, so much we needed to discuss. But for a beautiful moment, all was quiet, all but our hearts. 

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