Love Is Symphony |✓

| 39 |

It was in the middle of the break that I had been praying for the whole time  when you approached me. I was standing outside of the restaurant—the only place I could find solitude in this chaotic world of you and me—arms folded and breaths deep as I let the city lights dance against my skin, and then there were you. Your lips were curled in a frown, highlighting the lip piercing that I've grown to love, and your brows were drawn together; walking straight toward me as if I was the only thing your beautiful eyes could see. But who was I kidding, the wasn't true my love, was it?

"Baby," was the first thing you said when you reached me. The corner of my lip lifted to form a small and tired smile, but a scoff accompanied it. "Come back inside," you said, touching my elbow.

"Why would I go back in there? It's obvious that I'm not needed."

The smile on your face instantly dropped. "That's not true." 

I wanted to laugh. You sounded as if I was the one being ridiculous.

"Don't you see it, Sean? They don't want me here. They want you to be with Miranda. I am the bad guy. I've been sitting there for hours, nibbling on food that I could never afford and listening to people go on and on about how everyone else would think that you and Miranda are perfect for each other as if I'm not even there! You never even told me that they have been planning this stupid party! You kept me in the dark. I'm so stupid."

My words that have poured on and on out of my mouth seemed to have waken you up from the trance that you've both put us in and your eyes widened with alarm, fully aware that I was slowly falling apart. Piece by piece there I went, and if you waited long enough, I would've been gone. For real this time. 

You reached out to touch me, but I didn't let your fingers touch my skin because if I did, I would've crumbled all the same. The only difference was, I would've fallen back into the abyss of your love—back to my addiction in ashes where I would be trapped in the cup of your hands.

 "Ser, baby," you whispered against my temple when you finally caught me. I was pressed against your warm body, the two of us suspended in time while Los Angeles buzzed and breathed with life, "I'm sorry, but please don't make this harder for the both of us. I know it's difficult but it'll only be for a few months. Just after my album release and everything will be okay again. No more secrets, I promise."

I let out a laugh, pulling myself out of your hold. "When has it ever been okay? Can't you see?" I motioned between us, "this is so fucked up! I cannot stand this shit anymore! I can't stand the fact that I love you so fucking much but you have to be seen with that woman. I can't stand the fact that no matter how much you've kept on stabbing and stabbing my heart, I just can't get away from you. I hate how much I love you, Sean, because I know that even if my heart's breaking into the smallest of pieces, I'd still choose to be with you; I'd still beg to be with you."

Your eyes that were starting to be filled with frustration softened at my admission and you opened your mouth but no words came out. Softly, so tenderly, you reached out to me again, and I was back in your arms. You let your touch do talking and I let myself be pulled by your gravity once again. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I kept telling myself. But it was no use because even if I utter those words again and again and again until my voice was hoarse, nothing would've changed. I loved you, Sean. I loved you enough that I forgot who I was without you.

I loved you too much that I didn't know how to live a life without you anymore.

A tear rolled down my cheek and your thumb caressed the trail it traveled. I'm sorry. I love you.