PRETENDING

CHAPTER TWELVE

Nothing could have prepared me, for what I saw when I entered Jinyoung's house. The one that is usually composed and sober, the one that is usually smiling ear to ear  was now hugging a empty bottle of a vodka with bloody fingers surrounded by broken furniture.

"I'm sorry. I did not mean it" he mumbles when he sees me 

"Jinyoung," I approach him, "place the bottle down Jinyoung, please"

"I didn't  mean it, I swear I didn't mean it"

holding back tears I remove the bottle from his bloody hands, "Jinyoung, what's wrong buddy?"

"I killed them, but I swear I did not mean it"

"Jinyoung, come, get up, lets get you clean up"

shaking his head he pulls away from me "Don't get close to me, Ma---Mark, you will get hurt like they did"

Unable to stop the tears  from falling, they fall like salty raindrops decorating my broken expression

"It was don't your fault, Jinyoung."

"NO! It was me who killed them, I'm a Killer Mark! Killer..."

swallowing a sob I embrace him despite his protest.

After all these years he still blames himself for their death, something that he had nothing to do with. The only thing he ever did wrong was to be at the wrong place with the wrong person at the wrong time. It was not his fault that Steve was engaged with a pregnant teen when he felt nothing for her. It was not his fault that Steve called off his marriage because he fell in love with another young man, named Eric. It was not Jinyoung's fault that Lise lost her baby  because her mother placed pills on her drink because  she thought that having a baby at such a young age was a disgrace and too much of a hard task for someone his age. It was not his fault that Lise's ex-boyfriend impregnated her and then left her because he didn't know nor wanted to be a father at such a young age. None of it was Jinyoung's fault  but here he is blaming himself for something he never did and was out of his control. 

We both cried for I don't know how long but when I opened my eyes again, the sun rays were bringing  the room to the fullest. Glancing down I see a sleeping Jinyoung  snuggling on my lap. A small smile forms on my dry lips but it quickly disappears at the sight of  the mess that Jinyoung made the nigh before.

I sight past my lips as I pick up a very light Jinyoung, carefully I carry him to his bed and tuck him in. Glancing at his sleeping form once again I smile. He looks so peaceful and carefree, that is how he should always look. He should not be shedding tears, if it were from happiness then that will be alright, he should only be drinking to celebrate and not because he was sad and wanting to forget. He should not be living with guilt but rather be living his life in the moment, enjoying every minute of it. 

Walking down to the living room, I clean up he mess and throw away anything that cannot be fixed, like the ceramic vases, the photo frames, and one of the vintages chairs that Jinyoung loves so much. It is such a shame that much of the things that Jinyoung loves and hold dear to his heart, are the things that cannot be fixed. 

Jinyoung by all means is not a man that is materialistic, but there are a few things that he loves that involve money and that is only because they are involve with memories that he cherishes.  

The frames for example, the are in the style and color that are hard to find because his grandmother and him made them from scratch when he was six years old. The chair was made by him, all alone on the month of his grandfather's death. The chair is of the color red brown with black pears on the edges. He was only twelve when he made that chair, and it has lasted all this time and in good condition until now. He was the one that made it and now he was the one that destroyed it. 

After all the mess was cleaned up and the trash was thrown away, I proceeded to inspect the inside of the fridge and his pantry. They were both fully stocked, which is a surprise since Jinyoung hates going to the super market.

That is one more thing that I have added to the things we differ in. I love going to the super market and he hates it, but he loves doing laundry while I hate it. 

We are different yet similar in so many areas. I love that about us. To others we seem like an odd couple because in reality we would not get along let alone have some type of relationship, but here we are, being friends and maybe something else...

Taking out the bag of small potatoes. I wash them and place them on a pot with warm water and salt to boil. The I wash the cilantro and cut it into tiny pieces. I proceed to diced cucumbers, tomatoes, mango and washed the delicate raspberries. 

Taking out a glass bowl, I mixed the cucumbers, tomatoes, mangoes, and raspberries together along with a pinch of salt, pepper, and one lime. 

After the salad was done I cover it with  saran wrap and place it in the fridge. After that I checked on the potatoes. 

Once they were done I pilled them and roasted them on olive oil and once they were golden brown I added the cilantro, and after two minutes I added the salt. half a minute later I shut the flame off. 

Once every thing was done, I filled a cup of water for Jinyoung and walked towards his room. 

Taking a deep breath, I open the door and was greeted with a sleeping Jinyoung. As much as I would love to let him sleep more, he has to eat and shower to remove that awful smell of alcohol and clean his face from the tear stains. 

Placing the cup pf water down on his black night stand and placed my left palm on his warm cheek, "Jinyoung babe, you need to wake up"

"mmm?"

"Baby, it's time to wake up"

"Ma--rk"

"here babe, drink some water"

sitting up he drinks some of the war and tries to smile at me, "Mark, about last night, I---"

"why don't you go wash up and then come down to have brunch, I cooked potatoes and made some salad, along with a wild berry smoothie"

"That sounds delicious Mark"

smiling at him I get up and leave his bedroom.  

Thank you for reading  <3