Second Chances

Chapter 7

Everything was hazy and blurry. It hurt to focus but it hurt more to look in another direction because moving made the room spin.
"Quinn, stop moving you're making it worse." The voice was echoey.
"Mom?" Quinn mumbled.
"Quinn you need to get some rest, try to sleep honey," her mom said.
"Beth... no I need Beth," she tried to protest and sit up but her head started pounding even more and the room started spinning again.
"No, you need to rest, you need to sleep. Beth's okay, she's in my room eating some lunch," Her mom said and gently pushed Quinn back down onto the couch.
"Can I see her?" Quinn asked weakly.
"No, I don't want her to see you like this," she replied.
"Mom, no, I have to see her," Quinn practically begged, with tears in her eyes.
Her mom sighed. "Quinn she's already scared enough, this is just going to make it worse."
Quinn stood over the stove and watched the pot of water boil. She'd been trying to block that memory out of her mind for months now. It had been two weeks since she moved in with Rachel, and she was finally starting to feel safe around her. But she didn't think she would ever be able to tell anyone about how bad it had gotten. Every night since Beth told her about her nightmare, she'd dreamt about what had happened.
Money had always been tight, it always would be because Quinn was a single mom in college. She was used to making sacrifices for Beth. She'd pulled countless allnighters because she was in class all day then took care of Beth until she went to bed, then she did her homework which sometimes lasted all night. On top of that sometimes she would skip meals so Beth could eat. Because she promised herself that no matter what happened, Beth would always come first. And all of the skipping meals and pulling all nighters had finally caught up to her, at first she'd thought that it was just a headache, but after a while it got worse. Eventually it got to the point where she could hardly stand without thinking she would faint, even then she tried to push through it. But when she had gone to pick up Beth from her moms house, she really did faint. And she'd ended up spending the night with her mom because she was too weak to stand.
"Quinn, I think you can add the pasta now," Rachel said, snapping Quinn out of her thoughts. "Quinn?"
"What?" Quinn said, then turned to the boiling pot in front of her. "Oh yeah, the pasta, right."
"Quinn are you okay? You seem out of it," Rachel asked
"Yeah no, I'm fine, I'm just tired," Quinn said hastily and poured the pasta into the water.
"You know you can talk to me if you need it," Rachel said and put her hand on Quinns shoulder.
Quinn nodded.
"Dinners going to be ready soon, can you go get Beth?" Quinn asked shakily.
"Quinn, I've known you for six years, I know when something's bothering you, if you need to tell me anything you can tell me, you know that right?" Rachel said gently.
Quinn groaned. "Just go get Beth please."
"I swear to God Quinn, what is it going to take with you? Time and time again, I've reached out to you. Even when we were younger, and you would always shut yourself out. You let yourself cope in the most unhealthy ways until you finally self destructed and imploded on yourself. Just talk to me! Nothing bad can come from it," Rachel practically yelled.
All that pent up frustration that had built up inside of her from all those years of Quinn closing herself off from everyone that had every tried to help her, was finally coming out.
"You reached out to me? " Quinn let out a fake laugh. "I kept waiting for you to come see Beth and I and you never came. So excuse me for not wanting to trust you."
"I apologized. Everyday after that I called you to tell you how sorry I was. And you never picked up the phone. I made a mistake, Quinn. You're the one who chose to cut me out completely," Rachel said, the hurt was evident in her voice.
"You know what, maybe it's not such a good idea that I stay here." Quinn said quietly.
She walked away, leaving Rachel in the kitchen dumbfounded. Rachel was confused as to how the whole argument had even started. She knew Quinn had built walls around her that were higher than skyscrapers. And it wasn't new that she had offered Quinn help and Quinn had denied it. She'd only gotten mad because now there was another person in the equation. If Quinn let herself fall apart like she'd done so many times in the past, then Beth would come crashing down with her.
Quinn was already in her temporary room telling Beth to pack her stuff. Rachel could hear Beth yelling because she didn't want to leave, but she felt like she couldn't move. And she didn't have to, because Beth came running out in tears and latched on to Rachels legs.
"Beth come on, let's go" Quinn said sternly.
"No! Rachel please don't make me leave! I wanna stay here!" Beth cried and held onto Rachel even tighter.
Quinn physically pulled Beth off of Rachel and sent her an angry glare. Beth shereiked as she was pulled off of her then started flailing her arms and crying.
"Quinn you don't have to leave," Rachel insisted, it hurt her to see Beth this upset. "You're stubborn, I get that, so am I, that's why it took us so long for us to become friends and it's the reason you didn't talk to me for almost a year. And you're so stubborn that you're about to walk out on having a free home all summer just because of one argument. But I'm stubborn too, and I'm not going to let you sabotage yourself because if you do, you're not just hurting yourself, you're hurting Beth too," Rachel argued.
Beth had stopped screaming at the sound of the sound of Rachel's voice and was now whimpering and crying quietly. Quinn then set her down on the floor.
"Quinn please, just stay," Rachel begged quietly. "I don't want to lose you again."
Quinn sighed. She wanted to leave. She wanted to run away just like she'd always done. It would be so much harder if she had went to go find an apartment on her own in New York City, but it would be easier to not face Rachel everyday and all of her confusing feelings. She didn't even know what those feelings were, all she knew was when she saw Rachel sometimes she got nervous and started to trip over her words. And if she left she wouldn't have to face those thoughts. But Rachel was right, if she left things would get harder for her Beth.
"I'll stay, under one condition," Quinn said quietly.
"What?"
"You don't dictate how I raise Beth. She's my daughter, not yours. I know what's best for her, you don't. So stop acting like you have a say in her life when you don't," Quinn said and walked away.