Second Chances

Chapter 8

"Beth what do you need?" Rachel asked quietly.
"I want to stay with you tonight," Beth replied.
It had been a few hours since the argument and things between Rachel and Quinn were tense to say the least. Rachel had tried to be understanding, she knew Quinn was protective of her daughter and she had been told to back off, so she would. Rachel knew Quinn had to have things a certain way, she'd accepted that. And she'd hoped that because she'd agreed to all of Quinns terms and conditions, no matter how crazy they seemed, Quinn would make an effort to get closer to her. She knew Quinn was closed off, but after their argument Quinn had locked herself in her room for the rest of the day.
"Beth where's your mommy?" Rachel asked.
"She's sleeping," Beth said simply.
Rachel nodded. "Why do you want to stay with me?"
Beth shrugged and frowned. "I don't want to see her cry again," she said, and her voice broke.
Rachel was speechless, and no one left Rachel Berry speechless. She just nodded silently, picked Beth up and walked her into her room. She sat down on her bed and held Beth's head close to her chest. She whispered a few rounds of it's gonna be okay and don't worry into the top of her head. She rocked Beth back and forth until she felt Beth fall asleep on top of her. Rachel continued to hold her tightly, because despite what Quinn had said, Rachel wanted to take care of Beth. She stroked her hair to not only calm the little girl, but herself too. Something about Beth made Rachel feel safe, maybe it's because she looked so much like Quinn. Everytime Beth smiled, her eyes lit up just Quinns used to when they were younger. Rachel couldn't remember the last time Quinn's eyes lit up because she was happy, but she was going to make her that happy again.
I think I love her. Rachel felt her heart tighten and her breath catch in her throat. It all made sense. Rachel wanted to protect Beth and keep her safe from harm because she reminded her so much of Quinn. Rachel always knew when Beth was going to start to cry, because she made the same face Quinn made. She knew when Beth needed to talk to her after throwing a tantrum, or if she needed to sit in her room and cool down for a few minutes. Because whenever Quinn got upset, Rachel always knew how it help her, she'd just messed up today and pushed her to far. Did Rachel know so much about Beth because she was in love with Quinn? It made sense. It would explain why she'd desperately wanted to be friends with her for years. Or why she'd left Quinn a voicemail everyday after she'd cancelled on her because she'd felt so incredibly guilty. Or how part of her had cancelled on Quinn instead of inviting her to the show because she'd subconsciously known how she felt, and that scared her. She knew Quinn didn't feel the same way though. But little did she know, the reason Beth had seen Quinn cry was because of the messages she'd left.

Quinn sat on her bed and replayed Rachel's last message for a fourth time. She closed her eyes tightly and let her tears fall freely.
"Hey Quinn, I know you're mad at me and I'm so sorry, I get it if you don't want to talk, I just... I wanted to tell you again that I'm sorry. Please talk to me Quinn, please. I don't... I don't want to lose you, because I... anyways I really hope you're not mad at me. I'm really truly sorry Quinn, please call me back."
Rachel was crying in this message and it broke her heart. She clenched her fists together so hard that her nails dug into her palms. She looked over at Beth, who was sitting on the floor playing with a teddy bear. Beth then looked back at Quinn and ran over to her. She climbed up onto the bed and wrapped Quinn in a hug.
"Mommy what's wrong?" She asked.
"Beth please go play, I'm okay," Quinn replied, her voice was raspy and her voice cracked when she said she was okay.
"But-"
"Beth, I said I'm okay, now please leave me alone," She argued and pulled Beth off of her then turned away from her own daughter.
She lied back on her bed and tucked her knees into her chest. She'd never been this angry at herself. She was angry because she'd let Beth see her cry, she'd shown weakness in front of the person who she'd always had to keep it together for. She was angry that she'd ignored Rachel and let her cry everyday when she called her. And she was angry that she had gotten so mad when Rachel was just trying to help, because she didn't allow good things to happen to her. But mostly she was angry because she had the opportunity to apologize for all of this right now. She could go and make it better, tell her that she didn't mean the things she'd said and that she was sorry for not listening to Rachels messages. But she wasn't. She was lying on her bed crying to herself because she didn't think she was strong enough to look Rachel in the eye and tell her that she was sorry, that she messed up, and that even though she hoped it would never happen again she knew she probably would mess up again. Then she would tell her that she would try harder, and that next time she messed up she would take responsibility. But she didn't think she could even leave her room without breaking down in tears. So she squeezed her eyes shut but she didn't sleep, she let her thoughts run around in her mind and yell at her all of the things she should of been doing. And she wanted to do all of those things, but she was to scared, because she wanted to apologize to Rachel, but she wasn't sure if Rachel would forgive her. And Quinn couldn't handle that, because she loved her.