Second Chances

Chapter 10

Quinn sat down on the couch next to Rachel, who wrapped her around her.
    "I just got Beth to fall asleep," she said and unconsciously laid her head on Rachels shoulder.
    They had gotten home from the park a few hours earlier, Quinn had assumed Beth would be exhausted, but as soon as they got home Beth started running around the apartment  and chatting about how her Aunt Santana and Aunt Brittany were going to have a baby. Quinn wasn't sure why Beth was calling them her aunts, she'd only known the for a few hours, if you didn't count the times Santana and Brittany had helped with her in high school.
    "What did you want to talk to me about?" Rachel asked and began mindlessly twirling Quinns blonde hair around her finger.
     Quinn exhaled. "A few things."
    Rachel nodded and Quinn rested her head on the brunettes shoulder. Secretly, she loved the way Quinns head felt lyring on her shoulder, she didn't even notice how stiff she'd gotten so she wouldn't accidently bump her.
    "Rachel are you even breathing?" Quinn asked and elbowed her gently.
    Rachel took in an exaggeratedly large breath and Quinn thanked her.
    "I needed to tell you a few things, actually like, a lot of things. I'm just not sure you really want to hear all of it," Quinn admitted, she didn't look at Rachel, but kept her head on her shoulder.
    "You know you can tell me anything and I'd listen," Rachel said and continued to play with Quinn's hair.
    "I think I'm gay," Quinn blurted out.
    "What?" Rachel almost yelled and sat up abruptly and accidently pushed Quinn off of her in the process.
    "I didn't pin you for the homophobic type," Quinn said coldly.
    "I'm not, I'm just surprised. And happy, because I am too," Rachel admitted.
    "You are? How long have you known?" Quinn asked nervously, she was a little hurt that Rachel hadn't told her.
    "About a year now, I know what you're going to ask, I didn't tell you because I'd been planning on telling you when I visited. Then when that didn't happen I'd been hoping I could tell you over the phone, but you never answered and I didn't want to tell you in a voice message. And I would of told you earlier, but when you came with Beth it seemed like you were going through your own things, and I didn't want to overwhelm you with anything," Rachel explained.
    Quinn nodded and took it all in.
    "How long have you known?" Rachel asked.
    "I'm not even sure yet," Quinn admitted shyly, almost as if she was embarrassed. "I mean, I have nothing against gay people I just feel weird about myself. It's like, I know it's not wrong to be gay, but I don't want to allow myself to be gay. Because if I am, everything about me is going to change."
    Rachel sighed. She knew all too well what Quinn was talking about, the internal homophobia that lived inside everyone. Rachels hadn't been to bad, since she grew up with two dads, but she couldn't imagine what Quinn was going through. Quinn's parents were strict Christians that accepted nothing less than perfection in their family. They enforced strong gender roles upon their family, they were proud that Quinns older sister hadn't gone to college and became a housewife. Quinn's father told her that she wasn't fulfilling her duty as a woman by going to Yale. They had even gone so far as to kick her out when she got pregnant. Quinn moved back in with her mom a year later when her dad left, but her mom was still disappointed that she'd kept Beth. Rachel knew Quinn had most definitely been raised in a homophobic household, it was no surprise that if Quinn did turn out to be gay, she would struggle a lot with it.
    "Quinn, look at me."
    Quinn lifted her head up and looked Rachel in the eyes.
    "What do you think about me? Who am I to you?" Rachel asked.
    Quinn shrugged. "You're talented, you're the most talented person I know. You're smart and pretty and funny and you help me take care of Beth. And I know sometimes she sneaks into your room at night because she wants to stay with you because she loves you so much. You're the kindest person i've ever met, and you're my best friend," Quinn said slowly but honestly.
    "Did you think that before I told you I was gay?" Rachel asked.
    Quinn nodded. She couldn't bear to look Rachel in the eye, so she just stared at her lap and fidgeted with her hands.
    "Do you still think that now?"
    Quinn nodded again.
    "I'm still the same person I've always been, now I'm just more honest with myself. And if you're gay, or bi or whatever, that isn't going to change who you are. You're still going to be the same Quinn you've always been. You'll just know more about yourself," Rachel said and held Quinns hands in her own.
    Quinn bit her lip and held back her tears. "It just doesn't feel that easy."
    Rachel nodded sympathetically.
    "I just," Quinn choked back a sob. "When we were in highschool, I was so mean to you, and I don't know why, and you we're always so nice to me. And you were always there for me, even when I called you Rupaul or man hands, you were always my friend." She rambled. Rachel listened contently to Quinn and nodded along and gave her hands gentle squeezes when she thought Quinn needed some encouragement.
    "And I think now, I'm starting to understand. I'm finally starting to get why I did those terrible things and why I acted the way I did. It's weird, but it's all falling into place. I think all did all those things because of something else, it's like... it's like I wasn't the one doing those things. Because it never felt like me, and I never wanted to hurt you. I just thought if I hurt you badly enough, you'd stop being so nice to me. I wanted to hate you because I wanted you to hate me, because if you hated me I thought maybe I would stop loving you so much," Quinn thought out loud.
    "Oh my God, did I just say that? I'm so sorry I-"
    Before Quinn could finish her apology, Rachel grabbed the sides of her face gently and pulled her in for a kiss. And Quinn kissed her back. And in those seconds that the kiss lasted, Quinn felt more of a connection to Rachel then she'd ever felt with anyone else. When Rachel pulled away, she rested her forehead on Quinns and smiled bigger than she'd ever smiled before.
    "I'm so gay," Quinn said with a giggle. She fell into Rachel's arms and Rachel hugged her tightly.
    "I meant what I said, I really do love you," Quinn admitted and looked Rachel in the eye.
    "Really?" Rachel asked, still awestruck.
    Quinn nodded with a smile.
    "I think I love you too," Rachel replied causing Quinn to blush redder than a tomato.
    Rachel awed and Quinn hid her face in Rachel's neck out of embarrassment.
    "I love you," Rachel said sweetly, Quinn looked up at her and smiled, and Rachel swore her eyes lit up just like they used to.
    "It feels so good to say that outloud," Rachel said and ran her fingers through Quinn's hair. "I love you."
    "I love you too," Quinn said with the brightest smile Rachel had ever seen.
    They both felt so much calmer and at ease now that their feelings were out in the open. Sure they would have to discuss where they stood in terms of a relationship, but that could wait. Because right now all that mattered was that Rachel loved Quinn, and Quinn loved Rachel.
AN: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Now that it's summer I'll be updating much more frequently.