Someone's Someone

Someone's Someone - Chapter Nine

Danny...

"That girl is a lovely girl. She was only trying to help you, son...I hope you realise that?" The café owner is clearing Henna's nearly empty plate and her very finished tea cup.

I don't say anything.

What can I say?

The man is right.

Henna was just trying to help. But I find help so very hard to accept.

I find it especially hard to accept from her. She's such a sweet and thoughtful girl, and I'm just me.

The me who got myself into this mess.

The me who just screws everything up.

The me who is barely making it through each and every day.

I've got so used to my miserable life. So used to being miserably alone, I've forgotten how to behave when in the company of someone so warm and lovely. And that is Henna all over—warm and lovely.

Her personality is almost as buoyant as those many blonde curls of hers.

I know she was only trying to do a good thing.

I know she was just trying to be a good person.

God, I know that!

But I don't deserve any of it.

I'm me.

Danny O'Neal, the dick who lost everything because of his dick.

If I had kept it safely tucked into my Ted Baker boxer shorts, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I'd still have my family.

I'd still have my home.

I'd still have my job and my car.

Most importantly, I'd still have independence and respect.

But I didn't keep it in my Ted Baker boxer shorts.

So, here I am.

With nothing.

A homeless nobody.

Why should a nobody like me, deserve to have a somebody like Henna be so kind to me?

I shouldn't.

I don't.

As nice as it is to be in Henna's company, it's also a shameful reminder of who I am now.

I am now a man with nothing.

To have once had everything, it's a depressing situation to now find myself in. The longer I live rough, the more depressed and paranoid I become. But I still have a shred of pride within me, so I want to cling onto that shred of pride that I pathetically still have. That's why I did what I did to Henna. I kept seeing the pity pooling in her hazel eyes. I kept hearing the same pity echoing within her throat. And my pride just couldn't take it. Because my pride couldn't take it, it dragged my depression and paranoia into the battle. And being homeless is a constant battle, that's for sure.

I've seen a homeless guy chase someone down the street, just because they had accidentally knocked into his backpack on a crowded path. He was shouting at this woman, shouting at her for treating him like he was just some homeless person that she could choose to push around. The woman hadn't pushed him, she had merely stumbled into him as she tried to squeeze through a herd of people on a hectic path. But this homeless guys paranoia made him believe that the woman had targeted him because he was homeless.

Living on the streets makes you irrational.

And that is why I was irrational with Henna.

With a new kind of loneliness settling around every one of my aching bones, I slowly stand. With a weary sigh, I lift my backpack. As it heavily rests upon my back, I start moving my legs with just as heavy feet. "See you soon, son." The café owner calls out from behind me, smiling as soon as our eyes eventually do meet.

I say nothing. I just weakly nod, knowing that I will be back once my hunger really does get the better of me. Not even my pride is strong enough to do battle with hunger.

Once outside, I'm grateful for hunger no longer being with me. With a satisfied stomach, I start walking. As I walk, I start hoping that my doorway is still free. Then the thoughts of my doorway become overtaken with thoughts of Henna.

I hope she's okay.

I hope I didn't upset her too much.

My thoughts can try and convince me that Henna is okay and that she'll not be too upset, but I know that won't be true. She wore her hurt like a masquerade mask. I know, that she'll be upset.

But I can't do anything about that now. What's done is done.

I don't even know why I'm allowing it to even bother me?

Maybe it's best that things have ended this way between us?

Miss Goody Two Shoes got to do her Samaritan thing, and I've got a very full belly. Yeah, everything is just as it should be.