Someone's Someone

Someone's Someone - Chapter Thirty Four

Henna....

After a particularly harrowing shift, I just want to get back to dad's. I need daddykins and Danny hugs. I just need really big cuddles. The very last call I took, was a man threatening to kill himself. For twenty minutes, I talked to him. For twenty minutes, I kept trying to convince him to not jump off the bridge that he was on. Calmly, I just kept talking. The distressed man was in mental hell. He didn't tell me why, he just kept telling me that he wanted to die. Over and over, he kept telling me that life was too hard for him. I thought that telling him that help was on its way, would soothe his distress. Sadly, it didn't. Whilst on the phone to me, the man jumped. His last words to me were. "It's time."

The ambulance crew confirmed fifteen minutes later, that the man was found dead at the scene.

The scales of life can be just so utterly cruel, can't they?

Happiness on my scale, suicide on that man's scale.

As I sombrely leave work through the big glass doors, I breathe in the damp December evening, just feeling glad to be alive. Not really paying any attention to who is around, I am surprised to hear my name being cautiously called out to the right of me.

"Henna?"

Waiting in the cold, is Keith. I stop, allowing him to approach me. "Keith, what are you doing here?" I ask, shivering a little as my body adjusts from being warmly inside to the chilly outside.

"I just needed to talk to you, in private." He solemnly answers, his coated shoulders all hunched over with the coldness.  

Deciding to remain where I am, I make no attempt to start walking towards my car. "I've just had a really awful call, Keith...can we catch up another time?" I'm tired, borderline disinterested.

Yet Keith wants to talk. "You hurt me, Hen. I know you never promised me anything, but you still really hurt me."

Taking full responsibility for his hurt, I think it will get me home that little bit quicker. "I know, and I'm sorry."

Keith comes closer. "I know I was the one who kept pushing for us to be together, I know that. And I realise now that the reason you have hurt me wasn't because of anything you did...it's because of what you couldn't do."

Tilting my head a little, I look at him with uncertainty. "What do you mean, Keith?"

His smile is faint. "You couldn't love me."

My eyes guiltily avert his, as I repetitively lift each booted foot from off the ice-cold ground. "I'm so sorry, Keith."

His face tightens, taut with defeat. "I think we could have had a chance if Danny hadn't come into your life?"

Not knowing what to say, I weakly shrug my shoulders that are covered by my soft wool wrap. "But he is in my life." Slips quietly and honestly from out of my mouth. Danny is in my life. I can't say for sure what would have happened between Keith and I if Danny hadn't ran into my world, but he did, and he now completely fills up that world.

Keith presses his lips together, considering what I've just said. "Yes, he unfortunately is." Then with a parting smile, he oddly strolls away.

Relieved that he's gone and relieved to know I can now go, I take hurried strides towards my car. I think Keith just needed to hear it from my own mouth what he already knew—I want Danny.

Maybe I should have said more?

Been more sorry?

I think with growing angst.