You Help Me Live (Camren)

Chapter 19: Heartbreak Is Funny (Lauren's P.O.V)

Lauren's P.O.V: 

I stayed at Ally's that night. I didn't have a car to drive home, and even though Ally offered, I couldn't make myself leave. Ally was the comfort I needed at the moment, and I wasn't letting her go. 

Before Ally had come back from the kitchen, I had shut off my brain. I couldn't allow myself to think about the one thing hurting me the most. No matter how much I still wanted her arms wrapped around my neck, and her lips pressed to mine, I couldn't hurt myself with those memories anymore. 

I hate that she still has free reign over my mind, even when I'm mad at her. She still consumes every thought, and jumps around every dream, and lives constantly in my head. I can't get rid of her, no matter how hard I try. 

It's probably the most cliché thing I have ever said, but even in anger, I love Camila Cabello. I love the way her fingers intertwine with my own like destiny, and the way her body sculpts to mine like an artist forming one piece of pottery from two. I love the way my lips slide so easily down her smooth neck and I love the way I can talk to her like she has been my best friend from birth. In all; I love her. 

-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'-'- 

After I went home, I don't remember doing much. After Taylor tried to congratulate me on finding someone I truly loved, I lost it. I ran up to my room and began to cry again. The tears were steamier this time. They were warm because my body was reaching from the depths of my heart to pull them out. I had jumped onto my bed once the crying had started and now that was soaked along with me. 

I tried to get up, but that attempt just left me staggering to the bathroom door and crashing into it. Thankfully the door was shut, so I didn't fall through, but with the achiness I felt, I could have sworn I had.  

My hands were pressed to the door, as my forehead leaned gently against it. The tears flew to the wood under my feet and my lungs gasped for air that left the room long before I entered. 

I felt my body slowly start sliding down the door as the tears still continued to come. I managed to turn myself around so that the door was on my back, but after that I lost every ounce of control that even slightly remained in my body.  

Once I finally hit the ground, I drug my knees close to my chest and placed my head on them as I placed my arms over my head as if protecting myself from something I couldn't see. I probably looked like a 5 year old in time out, but I felt so much smaller. I felt like with every meniscal breath I took, the walls of my room came closer and closer to my body. The roof was slowly inching closer to turn me into a human pancake as I sat defenseless in a ball.  

I could feel as my heart slowly cracked down the middle to the point that no patch could keep together. Camila had been the glue my heart craved for so long to hold itself as a whole, and now that she was gone, I might as well be nothing. 

I sat and cried until Taylor came in and found me. She had heard me from downstairs, and in any other circumstance, I would have pretended that she heard nothing, but as I said, I had no control. 

"Lauren, what happened?" She probably said that, but I wasn't really paying any attention. She ran to my side, but didn't try to get me up. It was as if she knew that any attempt of hers would be futile and that the only thing that stood a chance was to help my tears exit my body before I passed out. 

She sat next to me with her back against the wall and looked straight ahead. I wasn't sure if she was picking her words carefully, or just not going to say anything at all. 

"Sometimes things just hurt Lauren." She began to say as she continued to look forward. She wasn't making any eye contact, but I was actually paying attention. The tears still rolled down my face like pebbles following an avalanche.