bloomsbury's pride // bts ot7 // editing

-life]

❛you are the words i will sing❜  - ed sheeran

it's been two weeks since namjoon's left and he feels lonely, locked up in his room. his mom's been on a trip to rome for a while and his sister's been in and out of the house. he hasn't eaten in hours and he feels weak. namjoon knows this whole thing... is his fault, even when it might not be totally his fault. it's the nth time since he's picked up and put down his phone this hour, waiting for some sort of message to pop through, waiting for something to happen to him. 

"oppa- can you take me to go see a movie? i have the money!" aejoon pops her little head in through the door and a fondness envelopes namjoon's empty chest. "what movie do you want to see? we can even stop by the ice cream shop if you want." the girl nods and texts him the link to the movie times. "get ready, okay? it'll be on in an hour." so he gets up, grabbing clothes he sees fit to wear in the dead heat of summer- shorts and a tank top. 

after a quick shower and rinse, the siblings are out of the house and in town, picking up snacks at the dollar store and shoving them into their pockets before entering the theater with their tickets. the two wind up crying on each other, la la land's plot just too much for them to stay silent- after all, namjoon is a romantic at heart. aejoon pulls him along through the exit, ready to get her ice cream as promised. they sit in the car for a bit of silence as the boy tucks his curly hair into it's bun. 

"hey, ae... i think i want to cut my hair. i mean the only reason i even kept it th-this long is for yoon- him. it doesn't... it doesn't feel right," he confesses, playing with the hem of his sweater. his younger sister rolls her eyes and nudges his arm with her hand. "but you didn't break up with him, you didn't even break up with any of them. call him and see if you still feel the same way." namjoon wonders when she grew up to be so mature. his younger sister must be the only one in the world who can actually help him now. 

"the problem is that i know i still feel the same way, i'm just worried that either of them don't. is that normal? they had each other before i was there, they can just continue without me like that. ri-right?" she sighs, pulling out her phone to text someone. he looks over and back to his own hands. "ae? i- i think i'm being selfish. when we started fighting, i thought it would blow over if i minded my own business. now i just feel like a burden and a loser. if hoseok really liked me, then he would be able to talk to me, but maybe he felt obligated to like me because i was his roommate." 

there was a silence in the car before aejoon spoke up again, another sigh escaping her lips. "why would he date you if you were an obligation? doesn't make sense to me." namjoon starts up the car, doing his best to ignore the last words from their conversation and drives off to find an ice cream shop.

"all that a stranger would see is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek."  -lorde

it's the very beginning of july when namjoon decides to physically change himself. it starts out with the small things, like shaving his his arms and grooming his eyebrows until it evolves into something less tamable- getting an undercut, dying his hair gray, the multitude of piercings that now line his ears and the one in his nose. namjoon stops at the tattoo.

"joonie, i know we've been friends since, like, forever, but i don't think i should be tattooing you there," jiho admits sheepishly, tattoo gun loosely hanging in his grip. namjoon spreads his thighs and traces the spot on his inner thigh. "please- please do this for me. i promise i'll stop, i just- please." the desperation in namjoon's voice is enough for jiho to sigh and begin. it doesn't take too long considering it was only a bunch of letters.