liza
after gabbie left, i walked the few blocks back to my apartment. i didn't have a car, and i didn't need one. won't be stickin' around here much longer anyway. walking down the sidewalk next to the main road, i cursed myself for even talking to her. i knew the rules that i had set for myself. they were my rules. so why was i deliberately disobeying myself?
trying to make up for it, i told myself i wouldn't talk to her again. i've cut everyone else out of my life, i can't keep adding people that i'll need to abandon. it'll hurt less if i ghost her now before she can build an attachment to me. it's such a shame, she seemed like a nice person. in another time, i'm sure we would have gotten along. but, i can't afford to grow close to people.
arriving at my apartment, i sighed and kicked my shoes off. the small studio apartment wasn't much, but it would suffice for the short amount of time i'd be here. flopping onto my bed, i was still muttering to myself about how stupid it was to talk to that girl. i tried to get myself to sleep and push the thoughts from my mind. the sooner i forgot about her, the sooner i could move on and go back to isolating myself.
-
i woke up the next morning, already forgetting the night before. life's too short to worry about the insignificant things. however, my memory all came back as i checked my phone. hey, we should hang out sometime. god, i just couldn't catch a break. i ignored her message and went to find a clean-ish pair of sweatpants. walking down the stairs of my building, i passed a guy sitting on the steps. smoke wafted up from a blunt he was smoking, and i nodded as i walked by.
taking in the cooler morning air, i walked down the street to a small coffee shop i went to regularly. my phone buzzed, and i looked down to see another message from gabbie. rolling my eyes, i slid my phone back into my pocket. i opened the glass door and walked past a few tables and up to the counter. i placed an order and stood off to the side waiting for my coffee. the bell on the door rang, and i turned my gaze to see who was walking in.
i sighed a little when i sadly enough recognized the face. she saw me too, but she looked happy. "hey, liza," she said warmly, walking up to me. here we go. "did you get my messages?" she asked. "yeah, i got them," i responded dully, wishing my coffee would brew faster. i glanced back over to see hurt in her eyes. she quickly tried to wipe it away. i felt bad. i didn't want to make her think i didn't want to be her friend. i just couldn't. she wouldn't get it. she just had to trust me in knowing that this was better for both of us.
the barista passed me the coffee over the counter, and i smiled at him before turning back to the person in front of me. i curtly nodded before pushing past her out of the shop, refusing to look back. i felt my phone buzz and opened it to see an email. it was from the app that everyone was forced to make an account for that reminded you of your classes and lecture halls. i was supposed to go to a calculus class i hadn't attended all year. scoffing, i put my phone away again and walked back to my apartment.
i drank my coffee as i walked the streets, taking the long way home. what's my rush? throwing the cup away outside my building, i went back upstairs and watched some netflix before falling asleep.
when i woke up from my nap, i stretched and tried to ignore the stale taste of coffee from earlier that still lingered in my mouth. sliding on a pair of flip flops, i walked across campus to the library, enjoying the warm air and craving the activity. i figured some light reading wouldn't hurt. going in through the double doors, there were tables of students studying in front of me. i stopped in the doorway and groaned. "oh my god, why me?"
gabbie looked up from the book she was reading and met eyes with me. i rolled my eyes and turned to leave and saw her packing up her stuff quickly. shaking my head slightly, i started walking back up the hill i just came down. "liza!" i heard her call from behind me. i ignored her and kept walking, but she caught up to me.
"what do you want, gabbie?" i muttered softly. "why are you avoiding me?" she asked. i shrugged and kept walking, avoiding eye contact. "look, if you heard any rumors from the frat guys, i swear they're not true," she said defensively. "i didn't hear any rumors," i responded monotonously, looking at the grass as i walked. "then, what is your problem!" she asked exasperatedly.
i stopped and turned to her. finally meeting her gaze, she looked frustrated and there was an underlying emotion of pain, not understanding what she'd done wrong. little did she know, she wasn't the problem. "look, i'm sure you're a wonderful person. i'm just not into the whole social thing. can you just let it go?" i asked, trying to cause minimal damage.
"the 'whole social thing' is part of life. we should hang out tonight. we were getting along at the bar. why can't this be the same thing?" she looked at me expectantly. "i don't feel like hanging out in a dorm," i said, trying to come up with an excuse to remove this girl from my life.
"well, then let's go to your apartment. you said you lived off campus." i rolled my eyes. "gabbie, in the nicest way possible, fuck off. okay? i'm not interested. why do you care so much?" she shook her head. "liza, send me your address. i'm coming over tonight. if it goes poorly, then i'll 'fuck off', but until then, i'm not giving up." she crossed her arms over her chest, and i could tell she wasn't bluffing.
"god, you're already annoying," i teased. she laughed. "and you're already bitchy. so you'll text me?" i sighed. "yeah, yeah. whatever," i said, starting to walk again. she smiled. "see you later, liza." i hated myself for allowing this to happen. i hated myself for giving into her antics. but mostly, i hated myself for looking forward to seeing her again.
