gabbie
i was slightly shocked by the words that had just left liza's mouth. i felt so bad for her and all of the pain she must be hiding, but i wasn't going to give up on her like all of her other friends had. i eased up on the door as did she, and we both just stood there for a second. i pushed against the door again, and she let me inside. i set the bottles of alcohol onto her counter and led her over to her bed. she looked anxious
"liza, talk to me. what's wrong?" she bit her lip and looked away. i could tell she was fighting tears. she shook her head. i grabbed her hands in mine and looked her in her eyes. "you can tell me." she looked so torn between hiding it for longer and letting it out. she took a shaky breath and turned back to me.
"nobody else knows. you can't tell anyone," she started. i nodded, wanting to help her any way i could. "i have lung cancer," she said, looking down. my heart dropped. "it's called adenocarcinoma, and it's non-small cell. before you try to lecture me, it's not caused by smoking." she had started crying, and i pulled her into a hug.
"why haven't you told anyone?" i asked gently. she shrugged. "my parents hate me. it's a long story that i don't want to get into. i figured if i'm dying there's no need to make it painful for other people. so, i cut them out before they could get hurt," she said softly. she started crying again.
"hey, it's gonna be okay," i said, doing my best to comfort her. "i wanted to be your friend, gabbie. i'm so sorry, i just didn't want to string you along just to get hurt," she cried. "liza, i'm not mad at you, i promise," i assured her.
"that's why i didn't buy any of the college stuff. i doubt i'll even make it to next semester," she said glumly. "nobody said you have to go through this alone. people would want to support you through this," i said, wanting to be one of those people. "but, i want to do it alone. i don't want to drag people into my chaos. it's better if they watch from afar. or don't watch at all," she insisted.
"you and i both know nobody truly wants to be alone. liza, it's okay to let people in." she shook her head, avoiding eye contact with me. "no, gabbie. you don't deserve the pain i would inevitably cause you. nobody does, so it's best if you just stay away from me," she urged. "i can take it. you have no idea what i've been through before, and whatever comes at me in the future i'll be able to handle. i'll get through it."
"you wouldn't have the need to get through it if you just stayed away from me. let me isolate myself. i know what i'm doing. i'm trying to look out for you." i couldn't understand why she wouldn't let me help her. "this is already terrifying enough. please let me help you. you shouldn't have to do this on your own." she wouldn't budge. "i said no."
i didn't know what to do anymore. she refused to listen to what i was trying to say. "please," i said softly. "gabbie, just go," she said, scoffing and looking away. i reached out to touch her, and she moved away. "go," she said sternly. i didn't want to. i couldn't leave her, now. "i said get out!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face again. "leave," she yelled, making me finally stand up off the bed. she wouldn't make eye contact with me.
reluctantly i made my way to the door, hoping she would change her mind. she didn't. i hesitantly opened the door and shut it behind me, wishing i hadn't.
