liza
starting to wake up, i realized where i was and who was next to me. last night started coming back clearly, and i wasn't completely mad at myself for letting her stay. stretching a little, i lazily glanced over at the clock. 10:13 a.m. i rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, just laying there for a second before abruptly sitting up and snapping over towards gabbie. shaking her awake, i started freaking out.
"gabbie, get up! your lecture started at nine," i said urgently, not wanting to be the reason she missed class. she looked confused for a second, looking around while still laying there. "get up!" i yelled, frantically scrambling out of bed to help her get ready. she just laid there. "liza, it's fine. i'd rather hang out here anyways. i'm going back to sleep," she said drowsily. i mean, i wasn't going to argue with that.
in that moment, it felt nice to be appreciated again. i forget how enjoyable companionship was. sliding back into bed, i read a book for about forty-five minutes while she dozed. when her body was finally satisfied with the amount of sleep it had gotten, she started waking up, and we made some playful banter with each other. it was crazy to me how easily her and i clicked.
not bothering to get ready, i continued my daily coffee routine, except this time i had a friend to make the walk with. i didn't stare at the sidewalk as i walked. i didn't force a smile out for the barista and cashier. i was genuinely happy in those moments.
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pulling the loose hair band out of my hair, i rolled over to face the other body in my bed. i couldn't believe this was the fourth morning in a row i was waking up next to someone who wanted to be my friend. knowing we had things we needed to do, i began to wake gabbie up. "hey, it's monday," i said quietly. "okay, cool. goodnight," she said tiredly, not understanding the significance. "no, gabbie i need you to drive me to the hospital," i replied quietly, needing her to wake up. that got her attention.
she sat up quickly and turned to look me over frantically. "why! what's wrong? are you okay? what happened?" she spewed, firing questions at me while looking me over. i smiled a little at her concern. "no, i'm fine. well, ish. if you count needing to prep for surgery fine, then yeah, i'm fine," i joked. she looked slightly relieved but still upset.
"i forgot," she muttered, getting out of bed to change into a clean set of clothes she had brought. i changed as well, but neither of us were dressed up by any accord. both of us satisfied with joggers and a t-shirt, we got in the car and drove to the hospital where my surgery was being performed. the nerves were starting to catch up to me, but i did my best not to let it show.
we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, and i was dreading going inside. this made me admit that all of this was real, and all of this was happening. i think gabbie noticed my hesitation, and she grabbed my hand, giving it a little squeeze. words would fail, but these tiny actions of affection and comfort seemed to always help.
together, we walked in and filled out any paperwork that needed signed or sorted out, etc. the process took awhile before we were in a room. i was forced to change into a hospital gown, and they began explaining different things to me. "you're supposed to fast for twenty-four hours before the surgery. it's a health precaution. you're surgery is tomorrow at two p.m. you probably have time to eat something before you should stop," the nurse said, starting to attach different iv's. i subtly asked her to stop for a second.
"gabs, can you go get me some in n' out?" i asked. you know that game people play where they ask what you want your last meal to be? i was in the game. this was really happening. i didn't actually want a burger, i just didn't want her to be here as they poked and prodded me for awhile because i wasn't sure how much longer i could keep up the strong facade. if i break, she breaks. i needed her to be my support beams, so i needed her to be okay. even if i wasn't.
"go ahead," i said, gesturing for the nurse to continue her process. i tried to think about something else when i felt various pinches in my arm. this might be a long day, but i was trying to hold on to whatever time i had left.
