Wandering Fireflies

Chapter 17: His Broken Smile

Song: Colors by Halsey

I let him down. When Zaavan needed me to stick up for him, I just stood there, frozen in place. God, I'm probably the worst friend ever.

"Hey, um you guys, what exactly does Zaavan mean?" asked Dashiell. "I mean, what is intersex?"

"Seriously Dashiell?! You actually have the nerve to ask that?! It's none of our business!" I snapped.

Ahmed placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down. "Relax Vance, he'll be fine. Trust me, I've known Zaavan for a few years now. Just act like nothing ever happened and it'll be okay." But is Zaavan actually okay?

Katja cleared her throat. "So, answering Dashiell's question, intersex is a term used for conditions where a person's reproductive organs or sexual anatomy doesn't fit into the category of male nor female."

"I don't get it," said Zhang, furrowing his eyebrows. "I mean, how can your body not be male nor female?"

"Well there are many different types of intersex conditions, so actually in many different ways. First of all, we know that females have XX chromosomes and males have XY. But a person could end up having XX chromosomes but have male genitals or XY chromosomes and female genitals. Some may have a penis but instead of testicles have ovaries and some a vagina and testicles. Others may have ambiguous genitalia or ambiguous reproductive organs where you can't tell what's what." She paused for a moment before continuing once again.

"In addition, a person could be lacking an X or Y chromosome or have an extra one. Or their body may not respond to testosterone like it's supposed to. Sometimes, a person's clitoris may be too big or a penis may be too small to be considered one. And the list goes on and on."

"So what condition would Zaavan have? Does it have a name or something?"

"Zhang, you can't ask something like that!" exclaimed Ahmed.

"What? I'm just curious."

"And Zaavan was clearly upset so don't you dare go and ask him. How would you feel if someone asked you what your private parts look like?" Snapped Katja.

"Zhang, you're a total jerk, you know that?" I spat at him. "Seriously do you not even care about what you just did to Zaavan?"

Zhang hung his head. "I didn't mean to hurt him. I just get so obsessed with conspiracy theories..."

"Well that's not a conspiracy theory that's Zaavan's life." At this point, I was really starting to worry about him.

"Guys, I think we should go. We're probably the last people he wants to see right now," said Dashiell.

"I'll delete the pictures, I swear. Every last one of them. And Vance, I had no intention of sending these to anyone, I just wanted you guys to believe me. I know I went too far and I'm sorry for that." Right in front of us, Zhang deleted every single picture he took of Zaavan. I even double checked his phone to make sure.

We were all leaving when Katja turned around and stopped me. "Hey Vance, I think you should stay and try to talk to Zaavan."

"Wait, me? I can't - I don't know what to say." I protested.

"Well there's no way he'll talk to me. Please Vance? You guys are pretty close and I just feel like he needs someone to talk to. You don't have to do anything special, just talk to him and make sure he's okay. That's it."

"Okay, I'll try," I said reluctantly.

"Oh and Vance? One more thing: just...try not to get all...touchy with him."