Thorns & Roses (Legolas Love Story)

2. Outset

They say grief occurs in five stages. First, there's denial, followed by anger. Then comes bargaining, and depression. For most, the final stage of grief is acceptance. But for me, grief is a life sentence without clemency. I will never accept and I will never forgive until I know that everything they have is taken away from them like they took mine.

***

It had been ten years since I buried my father. I've been grieving ever since. And in my isolation, the wound never seemed to heal with time or distance, even now that I was literally worlds apart from all of it.

From everything that made me Anastasia.

The pain and the loneliness should be crippling anyone, but I refused to let it defeat me. I willed it to make me stronger. I learned to embrace the pain and weaponize it.

It took me three days to find out that I was no longer in my world; another few days to finally accept that I was banished to Middle Earth; but even more time to finally rationalize that I was now living the fantasy world I often daydreamed to be in since I was still a very young girl.

Middle Earth used to be a glorious tale-a story of conquering heroes setting off on an impossible journey to save the world from evil. But now, being in that world, a solid form that I could actually see with my own eyes, touch and smell with my senses- it was a wake up call. It was no longer a tale. It was my life now.

It was a harsh reality, and I did what I had to do to survive.

'A n a s t a s i a...'

Every once in a while, I would hear someone calling my name in the night. His voice slithered like a snake. It sounded cold and dark and I hated it with all of me. Yet against my common sense, I actually yearned to be with him. Him and all his darkness.

A pair of fiery eyes set towards me, enticing me to him, to unite with him and to be his. He said my name over and over again. His voice dragging like a hiss of a snake, vile and cold, almost suffocating.

It was a painful thing to hear, but strangely I liked the pain. I might actually want to be with him-and the thought disgusted me.

Inside, I was torn.

What the hell was wrong with me? How could I even miss my own enemy?

'Give in to me. I can give you the world. I can make you my queen.'

A pair of burning eyes stared right into me, willing me to believe his lies. He outstretched his hand to me and I tilted my head.

I didn't take his hand. It didn't feel right.

His expression was hard to explain. I thought he'd be angry at my lack of response, but he wasn't.

Instead he moved towards me. His hand materialized out of the shadow and cupped my cheek. My whole body shuddered with both longing and fright at his touch, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

'Your soul is mine.'

I woke up with a scream and a cold sweat, fright filled my bleary eyes that still somewhat clouded with sleep. Sitting up on my sleeping cot, now alert, I trembled from the remains of the nightmare that seemed to come more often these days.

I pressed my lips together and steeled myself. Instinctively I had reached for the knife I held under my pillow. I released the knife and used the now free hand to cover my other hand and stop myself from shaking. I told myself to calm down.

"Your sleep hasn't been restful these days," said a male voice that was tainted with mild concern, making me turn my head to see him. I shook my head.