THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE

38

ALMOST THERE
" i think we all learn to live with the unshakable feeling
that we could be so much more. "
( DELILAH'S POV )
-

Liv and I grew closer to Charlie. Spending weeks with someone in a van forces you to get to know a person. But I didn't complain. Charlie was like a book. You read it, and think you know the story, you think you understand, but you read it again, and notice things you never saw before.

I learned most about Charlie one night when Liv had fallen asleep earlier than usual. We all talked until it was dark, but Liv was out cold as the sun began to set. It was something I would always remember.

"You ever think about how odd it would be if there were sunsets all the time?" Charlie had said out of the blue as we stared at the sky that was bursting in color.

"What do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"Well, then we'd be staring in awe at a blue sky, wouldn't we?" He replied.

I was quiet for a second. I had never thought about something like that. I wasn't usually the poetic one.  Ponyboy was. And I told myself I hated thinking about Tulsa, and the people I had know, but I couldn't help it. Everywhere I went I saw Pony, or Mark. And always, always Bryon.

"You know, you remind me of an old friend." I whispered quietly.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Ponyboy Curtis."

"Ponyboy." Charlie laughed. "I already love it."

"Just like you, he always had a way with words. There was just too much going on in his head." I laughed softly, though even I could hear the sadness in my voice.

I'm pretty sure Charlie sensed it too, because of how softly he spoke.

"Tell me more. Let it out, love. I've been told I'm a good listener, mostly because I don't talk much." Charlie assured me.

I laughed lightly at his humor, a way of trying to comfort me.

"I just, I don't want to admit it, that I miss home." I confessed.

He stared at me for a moment, but he looked as if he knew exactly what to say.

"I know that feeling all too well darling. I miss my dreary old London too. I miss my family, even if they hurt me. I think you'll never stop missing those you love. But at some  point, you had to leave, and so did I." He said seriously.

I slowly nodded. He was right. I had to leave.

It was quiet for a few minutes, until Charlie spoke again.

"I left, because I was afraid. I wish I could say I was brave, but I'm not. I'm afraid of life itself." He sighed and looked down at his palms.

"I'm not enough. I never was. I mediocre, and I can't shake off this feeling. This feeling that I could be so much more, but I'm not." He continued.

That's when I realized who he was. He was just a kid, like me. Like all of us. A kid who had been beaten black and blue by life. Brought down, without a way to get back up. That's how life treated you sometimes. He was just a kid. Confused and alone.

"Gosh, well I've know you for more than a month now, and I know you're more than enough Charlie. I know you are. Maybe you can't see it yet, but I sure hope you do some say."

We smiled softly at each other, both feeling happy we were understood by someone in this world.

"A day! Can you believe that Del!" Liv's voice broke me away from my flashback.

"A day for what?" I asked stupidly, still lost in my thoughts.

"Is that the weed working its magic on you sweets?" Charlie asked as he waved his hand in front of my face. His accent never failed to make me smile.

"A day and we're finally in New York. God I am so tired of driving." Liv complained, though she sounded happy.

I didn't blame her for complaining. We had been on road to New York for almost more than a week. We took a lot of stops. But we didn't mind all the long driving. This was what we had agreed to, three years ago. A road trip was what we asked for, and what we got. In a day we'd be in New York, and in a week we'd be at Woodstock. God knows what would happen there, but I couldn't wait.