You're Only Happy When I'm Wasted. [All Time Low Fanfiction]

A Blackout Binge Again.

Alex stared at me wide-eyed. I dared not look at him as I continued. "I used to have a friend. We were bestfriends for.. I don't know. Ever since I was little." A lump had started to form on my throat and I started to play with my thumb to ease all of the feelings that were starting to come back. "Are you still friends with her?" he asked me. I shook my head, and a sad smile formed my lips. "Once I was out cold because a school bully stabbed my insides," I saw his eyes widen. "My bestfriend, Mara, hooked up with my boyfriend, Ivan. And, it turned out, Ivan ---"

I bit my lip and stopped. "Ivan," my eyes began to water. "I-Ivan --" the tears fell down and I started to stutter uncontrollably. Shit. Stella, pull yourself together. I tried to take deep breaths to gain back my composure, but they came out as constant wheezes. "I--Ivan.. Ivan..." my mind was turning back to a blur. Alex quickly stood up and gave me a hug. He paced his arms up and down my back. "Come on, Stella." he encouraged me. "You can do it. You can tell me." . I gulped some fresh air, my heart was starting to get heavier. "A-All these y-years I was s-so in love with h-him --- A-all this time I th-thought h-he was the one who's going to s-save me... B-But he used m-me... He p-planned the bullying. H-He paid th-that fucker to try and k-kill me... H-He didn't love me... He used me to g-get my bestfriend! H-He used me... Th-They even had th-the fucking guts to say all of those s-straight into my face!" My chest felt like it couldn't bare to hold any more air in. I was panting hard, and the tears fell like falls from my face. I was a child who was lost in the woods. An unwanted doll. 

I looked up as Alex's grip loosened, and his face was filled with shock. 

I sat up straight though my system felt weak. I forced the oxygen back in and tried to return my breathing to normal as I dried my eyes, I have to be brave. I was stupid to show this side of me to him -- to an almost stranger. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. He snapped back to reality and looked at me right in the eyes. He stared as if he was reading me. 

No, I can't afford to be weak.