Far Too Young To Die

Chapter Nine

Alex sat in silence for a few moments after having heard Victor's story. No, it's not possible. Victor couldn't have killed someone...but then, he heard what James said when he was telling them to leave so perhaps it's not entirely implausible...

Was his boyfriend a murderer?

"Look, I know it sounds bad but you gotta understand—" Victor started, but Alex cut him off without hesitation.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." He said firmly, simply trying to make this whole story compute in his mind. That didn't stop Victor, though.
"I've spilled the beans on my life, you know everything now. Tell me about yours." He said, looking over at him as they stopped at a red light.
"I don't want to do that. I don't want to talk about it." Alex said firmly, though was unable to make eye contact with Victor.

"I tell you shit that no one else knows, I trust you with information that could get me life in prison, and you won't even do me the decency of trusting me in the same way?" Victor asked with raised eyebrows, almost hurt at the lack of trust Alex seemed to have in him.
"It's not like that! It's just hard for me to relive it —" Alex began, sounding almost desperate as he didn't want to offend or hurt his boyfriend. It just isn't that simple, in his mind. He can't just come out with it the way Victor did.

"You think I wanted to relive the fuckfest I've gone through? You think I wanted to think about losing my sister and killing someone? No! I didn't, but I did it because I love you and I trust you with this!" Victor snapped, not seeming to realise what he said just yet. Alex heard it though. He heard it loud and clear.
"You...love me?" He asked softly after a few moments, to which Victor shyly shrugged and kept his eyes glued to the road ahead.

"Course I do. Why wouldn't I?" He replied with a tone that completely contrasted with the one he used before. That changed Alex's perspective a little. Victor loved him. He loved him. Well, maybe reliving what he went through would be okay...after all, Victor did that for him. Don't we do difficult things the ones we love?

"Okay, I guess...I can tell you...it's not much compared to you, but it's the reason I'm here anyway..."

The nerves felt like they were eating him alive. He was pretty sure he was on the edge of a panic attack even, but this had to be done. He had to come out to his brother. Their parents were never really around anyway, so it wouldn't make any difference to them what he was into. Well, maybe it would, but he was pretty sure his brother would accept him. He was so positively sure that Jay would accept him, in fact. But if he was so sure, why was he so nervous to open up to him about this?

The then eighteen year old Alex sat in the living room on the dark red leather loveseat that stood in front of the tv, waiting for his sibling to come home from his sports practice. Was it baseball that he played? Softball? Alex could never remember, they were both so similar in his mind. Who really knew the difference anyway? Well, a lot of people, he was sure. But that wasn't his point.

He didn't have much more time to consider any of this as his younger brother came home. He heard the front door open and close and the sound of the younger boy slipping his shoes off at the door, along with him putting his bag of kit on the floor. Well, this is it. Alex was going to throw up or something, he knew it. But if he didn't do it now, he'd never do it. With that in mind, he stood up and brushed imaginary lint from his jeans and approached the door to the living room which lead to the hallway.

"Hey, Jay? Can I tell you something kind of personal?" He asked softly, surprised the words even came out in all honesty.
"Sure you can, Lex! I'm always here to listen to you. What's on your mind? Is it a girl?" He asked playfully, giving his trademark smile along with a soft chuckle. Oh, Jay. Why did it have to be that...

"Well...not exactly...see, the thing is...I'm more interested in guys than girls..." he admitted softly. How he just came out with it, he'll never know, but it caused Jay to freeze either way. His mouth was half open, and his brows began to furrow in confusion. Then the strangest thing happened...he began to laugh. He burst out in uncontrollable giggles, and Alex had never been more confused by the actions of his brother in his life. Well, that was until he was made aware of why the younger was laughing.

"That's real funny, Lex! You really had me there." He chuckled, turning to head to the kitchen. It was almost like he was running away. Maybe he really was. He didn't want to believe that his older brother was really gay.
"Hey-wait up! I'm not kidding!" Alex called, rushing after his brother. He stood in the doorway and watched him, watched the way his hands gripped the worktop until his knuckles turned white and his breathing picked up. Well, that's not a good sign to say the least.

"You have to be kidding!" Jay snapped suddenly, turning to face his older sibling with an expression that contradicted his soft smile earlier. This one was much more harsh, and he definitely wasn't smiling.
"You're not my brother anymore! I can't be related to some...some homo!" By this point, tears were pooling in Alex's eyes. He couldn't believe it. Did his brother really hate him as much as he said he did? All because he was gay?

"Get out of my way! Never speak to me again, I never want to see you again!" And with that, he stormed out of the room and shoved Alex aside like he was nothing. As soon as he was gone, he sank to the ground and sat slumped against the wall, then broke down in tears.

Looks like he had to figure out some way of leaving the place he loved most. There's nothing left here for him.

Alex gave a small sniff after he finished his story, wiping away the stray tears that fell. He hadn't even noticed he was crying. Victor was silent throughout, soon pulling into the parking lot of some chain hotel that he spotted. It was late now, and both of them were tired.

"Baby, please don't cry. He's out of your life now, and you never have to deal with him again. I'm here now, and no one is ever gonna hurt you again. Do you know why?"

Alex gave a slight smile as he was pretty sure he knew what he'd say. Still, he decided to indulge the younger.

"Why?"

"Because I'll hurt them first. Now come on, let's get inside." And with that, Victor headed to the back seat of the car and got their bags.