"Thank you for loving me."
❀
No one would think that the Davy Wade would die, much less, kill himself.
He was the epitome of a good person. Some even thought he was the second coming of Christ. But when the shock and confusion of Davy's suicide co...
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t h e p r o b l e m w i t h d a v y
14
Hannah and I were sitting on the floor, out backs against the cedar cupboard. Its been a couple of hours since my breakdown. I haven't talked yet, no matter how hard I try I can't seem to say anything. After the third hour I stopped violently sobbing, and as we reached upon our fifth Hannah started to break the comfortable silence.
"My Davy was named Adam. He was kind of like Davy, but not as graceful. And revered. To the world and everyone else, he was just average Adam. A guy who liked fruit smoothies a little bit too much, and wore only primary colors." Hannah started as she chuckled at the small memory. "But to me... he was still average Adam. But he was my average Adam. I knew him more than anyone in the world. He was my person. I never really believed in soul mates, but if they were real he would be mine. Can you believe he asked me to marry him on a napkin? He was too afraid to say it out loud, so he wrote it down. Chicken scratch and all. But it wasn't how he asked me, Eden. It was how he looked at me. I can't put it into words, but I know I'll never be looked at that way again." She sighed, as I found my hand in hers. "He died in a car crash six years ago. I had to have therapy for three years before I could wake up without crying. Everyone has lost someone important to them. Some people lose the most important person. It was hard, very, very, hard. But I got through it, Eden. I was just like you in this therapy group. And since back then I knew I wanted to help people, and I wouldn't be here today if I never went to therapy. Adam helped me become the person I was always meant to be. Maybe he wasn't supposed to see the person I was going to become, and maybe we weren't meant to be together. But he was in my life for a reason. And it was magical and amazing, and I wouldn't give those memories up for the world. I would give anything if he could be here now... but sometimes people leave for unknown reasons. And that's okay."
I rubbed my nose with my long sleeve and sniffled, "that's shit." Hannah laughed and squeezed my hand tighter. "Davy m-made me a better person. And now that he's gone... I don't know if I can be that person anymore."
"Did you become a better person for yourself or for Davy?" Hannah asked looking me in the eyes. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. "I know it's unbearable for you," Hannah repositioned herself so she was kneeling in front of me, holding both of my hands. "Especially with the way Davy went. But you loved him, and he was in your life for a reason. And I would bet the whole world that he loved you too. But you can't hold onto him. Your whole life is moving forward, and you're stuck. I think that's why you're afraid of the future. The future is right here. Right now, right in front of you. With everyone in this room and in your home, and anywhere you want it to be. You'll find what you're looking for, I promise that Eden. I believe in you. Your parents believe you. Everyone in therapy believes in you. Dawson believes in you. And I'm sure as hell Davy still believes in you too." Hannah wrapped her arms around me, and I held onto her for dear life. Not knowing how else to thank her.
I walked out of the Triple Tit Therapy room feeling a sense of calm. I haven't felt calm for the longest time that I almost forgot how my chest felt without its usual clench of pressure. I finally felt like I could breathe, and not always think of Davy's last breath. This was new for me, this sense of acceptance. And all I wanted was it to stay. I didn't pay attention to what was in front of me until I felt the familiar warmth of Dawson's hands holding my small shoulders. I looked up from the ground, my eyes still burning, and saw the continuous storm in his eyes asking me What's wrong? What happened? Let me help you. The lightning from his eyes flowed through his body, causing his coarse fingertips to shock all my nerves awake. His touch reminded me of the Wade's usual touch; a suffocation of warmth. Except, Dawson's touch was more than that. It was this whole other affection; a raging fire that won't ever stop burning.
"You have to talk to me, Eden. What's going on?" His soft voice seeped into my ears as he shook my shoulders a bit, trying to bring me back to Earth. "Are you okay?" He waited for me. That thought was the only prominent one in my mind. Dawson has always lived in his brother's shadow and never once let that ruin his relationship. He knew Davy at a whole other level than anyone ever did. His whole life was starting and he had to come back here for Davy and didn't have any time to grieve because he had been taking care of everyone else but himself. His parents are grieving on their own and Dawson is alone and full of agony, holding all of this weight on his back and no one is even saying thank you or batting an eye at his sadness. As always, I am thinking more about myself than anyone around me. I wanted to be there just like Dawson had been there for me. I loved Davy. But Davy's is not here right now, because he chose to leave. And Dawson chose to stay. He chose to wait for me.
I pushed myself into Dawson's chest and wrapped my arms around his waist, willingly pulling myself into his fire. "I'm not. But I will be," I responded quietly. Dawson didn't hold me back for the longest time. He just had his arms hanging by his sides, not knowing what to do. Eventually, he lowered his large arms and pulled me in closer. And we stayed like that for a while. In the middle of the hospital entrance. No one said anything. Everyone just went about their evening, not noticing the fucked up teens. But they didn't have to. We were fine. We were going to be just fine.
❄
I made sure not to make any eye contact with Dawson as his phone rang when he turned right onto my street.
"What now Nick?" Although his words were harsh, the smile in Dawson's voice was easily evident. I could hear the muffled yelling of Nicotine as Dawson chuckled under his breath. "Yea, I'm just driving her home," Dawson responded. In a few moments, Dawson sighed and suddenly made a U-turn before turning into my driveway. "Yea, yea we'll be there." I heard Dawson groan loudly, and suddenly put Nick on speakerphone.
" — tell Eden! Actually, just put me on speakerphone and I'll ask if its okay to go to Davy's tree!" Nicotine screamed, having no sense that he was as loud as he was.
"It's okay Nicotine," I replied, smiling.
"Oh, hey Eden! Great, I'll see you guys in a few then," Nicotine eagerly responded.
"What are we exactly going to do?" Dawson asked quickly.
"Fly!" And with that, Nicotine hung up leaving Dawson rolling his eyes and I laughing.
a/n
Yes, there is a Kimi no na wa (Your Name) gif in the beginning. You should watch this movie. It is my absolute favorite masterpiece of all time.
ALSO, as noted before TPWD is a short story, so this baby is gonna end real soon! I don't really know if people like this story and of course there has to be major work done, but as stated earlier, I have been working on this for about 7 years now. And honestly, I can't really move on and write something else without finishing this.
