I Understand (Reven Reyes/You)

p a r t t e n

wow i actually have two chapters done, i'm proud of myself
p.s. this chapter is really fitting if you listen to 'is there somewhere' by halsey while reading 🤷‍♀️
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Octavia let out an unconscious groan as I patted the wet rag I was holding to the oozing gash above her eyebrow. I blotted away all of the dried blood and held the cloth to the parts that still had blood dripping from them. The gash was pretty deep and it didn't seem like a cut from a sharp object, it was a split from her probably hitting her head on something, or the grounder hitting her with the butt of his axe.

The gash was too wide, I would need to close it for it to heal properly. I grabbed another piece of cloth I had ready, this one dry and much longer. I used the dry cloth to keep the wet rag on Octavia's forehead tightly, before I stood up from my aching crouched position. I heard my joints pop and avoided looking at the brunette girl still sitting by the fire.

I could feel Raven's eyes on me as I moved to my makeshift shelf, grabbing the tool kit and first-aid I had scavenged from an overgrown pre-war building. I brought them both over to Octavia and crouched back down, feeling the ache spread throughout my ankles once again.

I hadn't spoke one word to Raven since I walked into the cave maybe three hours ago. The sun would rise in about five hours, which meant we would drag through that time in complete silence unless Octavia woke up. I did not plan on talking to Raven.

I unzipped the first-aid kit as Raven grabbed the stick she had been fiddling with earlier and poked the fire, moving a log so it would light above the fiery kindling. I rummaged through the simple medical stash, looking through all the stuff they used to use a hundred years ago. I picked up a square, paper container that fit in the palm of my hand. Sterilization Wipe it read. I ripped open the packaging and sighed when I saw that the supposedly wet wipe inside was no longer wet. The chemicals and moisture must have accumulated on the inside walls of the container because they were all blue and moldy. I tossed it in the trash can and went back to the kit.

Inside, I saw a  needle and packaged medical thread. I grabbed them and felt my hopes fade when I saw the end of the needle was rusted. Thankfully, the sharp part wasn't, so I grabbed wire cutters from the tool kit and cut off the rusted end of the needle. I ripped open the packaged thread and carefully tied the string at the end of the needle because I cut off the loop.

The needle was pretty old, and probably not sterile at all. The only option I had to clean it well enough for closing Octavia's gash without causing infection, was the fire Raven was currently sitting at. I looked over my shoulder, catching Raven's eye, causing her to shift uncomfortably. I looked back down at the needle in my hand, then to my best friend before letting out a deep breath.

I stood back up and walked over to fire, bending over and holding the needle over the hot coals. The warmth burned my fingers a bit and I winced, ignoring the pain. I could feel Raven's watching me and saw her open her mouth, then close it out of the corner of my eye. The sharp end of the needle started to glow red from the heat and I could feel the heat conduct from the end of the needle to my fingertips, burning them.

After a few more seconds, I couldn't take anymore and moved my hand away from the fire. I grabbed the needle with my other hand and saw a dark red, burn line going across my fingers from the needle.

"D-do you need any help?"

I met Raven's nervous eyes, seeing her lips pressed together in thought. I didn't need help, but I surprisingly found myself grateful that she offered. I clenched my jaw and gulped, glancing at Octavia before looking back at Raven.

I shook my head in denial, but let my hard gaze towards her soften before I turned around and knelt back down next Octavia. I unwrapped the cloth from around her head and re-wet the rag before dabbing another round on her cut. I took in a deep breath before pinching the edges of Octavia's gash together, creating more of a line and making it drop more blood. I held the needle to her skin, finding it hard to actually puncture it.

Finally, after mustering up enough courage and hoping to whoever the higher power was that I was making the right call, I guided the needle through her skin. At first, I pressed lightly, but I had to put more pressure so the needle would push through. It was through the first edge, so I pushed again, letting it go through the other side too. I grabbed the front of the needle and pulled it through from there before lapping it over and doing it again.

I finished with five stitches, all spaced out evenly. I cut the end of the thread from the needle and tied each end. I wiped off the needle and stored it back in the kit, knowing it was tainted and probably shouldn't be used again but just in case. I grabbed gauze and wrapped it around her head once tightly, then two more times gently. I used the only thing I had, a safety pin, to hold the gauze together and cleaned up after myself, putting everything away and throwing the rags away.

I could feel exhaustion biting at my everything, so I slid myself against the wall behind Octavia and pulled her up to me, resting her head on my chest and wrapping my arms around her before I, myself, laid down. I planted a soft kiss on the top of her head and focused on the feeling of her breathing. The way her chest rose up and down with each breath she took. I pressed my fingers to the spot under her jawline, feeling for her pulse just to be safe. When I felt the beating, I sighed relieved. I had done as much as I could for her, whether she woke up or not was up to her. All I knew was, I couldn't lose my best friend. I couldn't lose the  one that'd been there for me through it all.

I closed my eyes and felt the worry wash over me, holding Octavia closer to me. If she didn't wake up, so many people would be devastated, but I didn't care about them. I was selfish and I needed Octavia for me. If she left me, I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I fell into a dreamless sleep after listening to Octavia's breathing for a while, making sure it didn't stop and she slipped away.

Raven's POV

The two laid together perfectly, like their bodies were meant to be connected. It was as if they were molded together some time before, and were eventually broken apart. Y/N, in her sleep, had brought Octavia closer to her, pulling her up so the unconscious girl's nose touched the older girl's chin innocently. Limbs were tied together, legs tangled, the two seemed a masterpiece.

Did Y/N and I look like that? Did people think the same things that I was thinking about us together? I couldn't help the aching sting under my rib cage, deep in my soul as I saw, actually saw how perfectly matched Y/N and Octavia had forever been. It hurt to know that even I saw it before either of them did.

The fire underneath my kindling stick burned out with time and I paid no mind to it. The once glowing logs had turned black and white and grey, and crumbled into dust with slight breezes. Still, I paid no mind. I was too busy, eyes furrowed, watching the pale moon cast a shadow over the girl I was still hopelessly in love with and her best friend. Knowing all too well she was falling deeper in love with each passing second with someone that was not me. They were asleep and yet I could still feel the aura surrounding them from all the way over here.

And it hurt. Only God knows how badly it hurt.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I stood up and covered the opening of the cave walk-in with a board. I walked over to the makeshift bed and sat on my legs, studying the features of Y/N's face like I did so many nights. I leaned down and placed a chaste, yet emotional kiss on her slightly parted lips, savoring the sweet taste before forcing myself away, hoping that that would not be our last ever kiss and yet still preparing myself for it.

I softly grabbed a blanket from the side of the bed and scooted back a few feet, laying myself down and using my jacket as a pillow. I shifted on my side so I could see Y/N's sleeping face and fell asleep remembering the nights that her eyes looked into mine the way they followed Octavia now.

It wasn't me she came looking for when everything went down.

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wow that was actually really hard to write idky but it was sad, especially with the music. i feel bad for raven and i deadass let a tear slip when i was writing the last sentence

anyway, until next time ❤️