drowning

preface - sam

" we're all addicted to something that takes the pain away "

-

SAM

"Sam! Come on, let's go man! We're gonna be late!"

I heard my best friend, Harry McNamara, shouting from the parking lot down below, and I sighed from my apartment balcony. It was far too early for his nagging; maybe one more cigarette and I'd be able to put up with his time management anxiety. Harry, or Hal as I had always called him, was the most punctual person I had ever met, and sometimes even a minute late could throw his whole mood off for the day. Nevertheless, I liked to push my luck with him, so he knew to show up to my house at least five minutes before he would normally pick me up.

Hal stood three stories down from me, and I laughed as how ridiculous he looked with his hands on his hips, as if that was going to make me finish my smoke any faster. His girlfriend, Carly Romano, rolled down the passenger side window, and waved up at me. Her dark hair was in a ponytail today, which wasn't something that happened all too often. My guess was that the two of them had a long night together, if you know what I mean, and they probably slept in. Which explained Hal's being here five minutes later than usual, and Carly's hair being pulled back. She ducked back into the car momentarily, before poking her head out again, this time waving a coffee in the air.

"Come on Sammy, we got you a coffee!" she yelled up, tempting me with the black brew in her hand. I laughed, while simultaneously noting to get her back for that nickname later. Luckily, I had been friends with the two of them long enough to know both their weak spots, and while Hal's was time management, Carly's was her hair, and touching it was strictly off limits to everyone, except her boyfriend.

"I'll be down in a minute!" I responded, and put out the, now finished, cigarette I was holding into the ashtray sitting next to me. Retreating back into my apartment, I gathered my backpack and shoes, and also decided to bring along an apple with me this morning. Gotta be healthy in some ways right?

"Sam? Samuel? Where are you going, honey?" my mother emerged from her bedroom, still clad in one of my dad's old shirts and pajama bottoms. Her blonde hair was matted in the back, and I made a mental note to help her brush it later on if she never got to it. I smiled, barely, and kissed her forehead as she came closer to me. My mom's height reached to just about my shoulders, so, from what I could remember, I had inherited my height from my dad, since I stood at a towering 6'2. "Are you coming back?"

"Yeah, mom, just school again. I'll be back soon, I made a sandwich for you to eat for lunch, it's in the fridge," I explained, as I did almost every Monday. My mom wasn't exactly all there, and after the weekends she needed a bit of a reminder that I wasn't going to be home during the day to keep her company. "Cameron's gonna be here soon to take the girls to school and then hang out, alright? Make sure you say bye to them before they leave."

Cameron was both the twins and, unofficially, my mom's caretaker when I wasn't around. With mom's rapid mood swings and absent mindedness, along with a dozen other conditions, taking care of herself was difficult, and she was often too emotionally distressed to do simple things, like remember to eat, or to spend time with her daughters. Mom had only become like this after we lost dad, which conveniently was also right before the girls were born. I was already fourteen when mom first spiraled, so she had plenty of years to spend being a real mother to me, something I wish the girls would know. But, unfortunately, she had never fully bonded with her twin daughters, and there were some days when I could tell she had forgotten all about them. I could also tell she felt bad about it, so she tried her best to be their mother when I'm around, just like she was for me before we lost her, mentally, that is.