drowning

xi

" she was drowning

with rocks at her feet

and the world stood by in life boats

asking why she couldn't walk "

-

JUNE

I couldn't tell what stung more- my thigh, which was rubbing uncomfortably against the fabric bandage I rewrapped it in this morning, or Sam's hand, connected to mine, sending small, electric shock waves up my arm.

Eventually, the overwhelming sense of physical contact that wasn't tied to a sexual interaction became too much for me, and I found myself drawing back into my own shell. When I caught a look at Sam, his face was unreadable; too many emotions were running through his eyes to catch just one.

I couldn't bring myself to continue eating, and by the looks of it, neither could Sam. For what felt like the millionth time, the shaggy-haired boy and I had fallen into an awkward silence. Luckily, the waitress broke it by dropping off the check, to which Sam immediately retrieved and placed down the needed amount of money.

"Thank you," I murmured, unable to bring my eyes up to Sam. "For breakfast."

Sam hummed in response, before pulling a pack of cigarettes out from his jean jacket pocket. "I'm gonna smoke really quick, and then I'll take you back home."

A part of me wanted to argue against his lung-ruining habit, but I decided against it this time. Instead, there was a part of me that was slightly disappointed our outing would have to end here, strangely enough.

I hung out inside while Sam went out to finish his cigarette. When he returned, his face seemed a lot more calm than it had been before, and that's when I realized that maybe smoking calmed Sam's nerves a bit, making it an even worse habit that it already was. Dependency on something like that could kill you. Although, I'm not one to talk, seeing as how my own bad habit has almost killed me.

Finally, we made our way back out the parking lot, and I mentally prepared to take another ride of Sam's machine from hell. I already could barely function when it came to driving my own car; being out in the open on a motorcycle took my anxiety to a whole other level.

Sam did the honor of slipping my helmet on before his, and was getting ready to start up his vehicle, when he pulled his own helmet off.

"Damn, I forgot my wallet inside, one sec'," he said, before hopping off the bike, and leaving me to wait by myself while he ran back in.

As he did so, a car drove up, and parked a few spaces away, with loud music blaring from the open windows. With my helmet still on, I'm sure I looked absolutely ridiculous to the group of guys that sauntered out of the black mustang.

When my eyes adjusted to the tinted helmet I was looking through, however, I could've sworn my heart stopped. My breath caught in my throat, and it took everything I had in me not to react to the person I saw in front of me. And when the group of guys all exchanged glances and looked over at me, I could feel his eyes burning straight through my helmet, past the tinted visor, and right into my terrified eyes. He looked inside the small diner for a moment, gears clicking things together, before walking closer to me.