drowning

xiii

" one day , I'll be in so deep

that there will be no resurfacing ,

and I'll just be remembered

as the girl who drowned "

-

JUNE

I woke up Saturday morning to the sound of glass banging together, and loud door slams echoing through the empty, barren house I called home. It took a few moments of proper waking up before I managed to get myself out of bed, and over to the bathroom for a shower.

When I emerged from the steaming room, I could hear movement downstairs, which sounded a lot like cabinets being opened and shut, repeatedly. I quickly changed and made my way downstairs, and, to my surprise, found Kodi in the kitchen, over the stove.

"Kodi?" I croaked. It wasn't common for him to be awake at this time of day, so I wasn't sure how to approach him. It had been years since I'd seen him cooking either, usually his meals consisted of whatever he could throw in the microwave, and peanut butter sandwiches.

"Hey, June," he turned around and said. To my shock, he seemed relatively sober- a sight I also hadn't seen in years. "I'm just about to make eggs, do you want any?"

"What're you doing awake?" I asked, bluntly.

Whatever small talk and stable facade he was trying use, wasn't going to work on me. I could see the redness in his eyes, desperate for another bottle of whatever his choice of liquor was at the moment. His body movement were slow and sluggish, ones of a chronic day-sleeper now being awake in the morning.

"It's ten in the morning, June, I'm pretty sure that's a normal time for people to-"

"Not for you," I cut him off. "Does this have something to do with you needing the car the other day?"

Kodi paused, and took a deep breath. I crossed my arms, waiting for some bullshit answer to come out of his mouth. Whatever front he was putting up, couldn't last for long. His drinking problem brought out his anger, and I'm sure his being sober wasn't helping either. You don't just wake up one day and all of sudden you're not an alcoholic anymore, so what game was he playing?

"I had an interview, of sorts," he said, lowly, as if he was too embarrassed to speak any louder.

My eyes went wide with confusion. "An interview? Like, for a job?"

"Yeah, no fucking shit, June!" he shouted, and slammed down the wooden spoon he had been gripping onto the counter behind him. Kodi's anger never scared me, because I knew the Kodi I grew up with- the loving, nurturing, yet annoying and snotty- older brother he used to be, was still somewhere inside. "For a job."

"Doing what? Where? Kodi, you're an alcoholic, for fuck's sake, don't you think maybe you should do something about that before getting a job? I mean, I doubt any place is going to hire someone who-"

"It's for dad's company."

I was quickly shut up by the mention of dad. The only time we ever spoke of our parents, was when one of us was scolding the other for disappointing them. It had been at least a year since Kodi last held a job- and even then it was part-time gigs at overnight warehouses, or odd jobs he picked up on the side from time to time. As much as our parents passing affected me, it hit Kodi in a whole other way. The last thing I expected to hear was him saying he interviewed at dad's old company.