UNLOVED ( undergoing editing + rewriting )

chapter one : I've feelings too.

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unloved

ʌnˈlʌvd/

adjective: unloved

not loved.

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Perhaps it was the murky scent that boiled within his chest, or was it his burning flesh scalding his being? maybe it was the way he couldn't speak up or the way his voice would waver into a jittery mess while talking about his feelings. he wonders where did he went wrong? but could a child possibly mess up it's own innocence ?

Age:4

Maybe it was his dad's empty eyes which looked past his soul, or was it his chest clenching as it struggled to breathe? his body flinched at the contact as he heard the same rhyme of words slip from his father's mouth for the nth time. "Kookie be a strong boy! Be brave and perfect !" His dad said and patted his head and he was left alone again.

In his room. Not technically his, He has 6 brothers having shared this room with the 2nd and 3rd youngest brother of his : 

Taehyung and jimin.

"Tae.. it's fine, sweetheart.  It's okay to be scared of the dark. you can sleep with me" he heard his dad say to his older brother

But why?

He was the youngest , Why can't he tell he's scared to ?

"Dad ! Can I come to!" His 3rd brother squeaked out in a rushed voice as the 2nd youngest was being escorted outside the room. 

Their father had nodded gently , his eyes lacking those shine they'd have when talking to his bothers but the oh so fake smile was flashed towards the youngling, unaware what was happening, what was he doing wrong, why couldn't his father shelter him in warmth too, or why his throat felt like shards piercing through it.

"Kookie is strong, right ?" he'd nod mindlessly, tiny toes curled inwards in fear -- hands sweaty gripping the ends of his slightly oversized shirt , his head felt heavy, doe eyes wavering , glossy as he watched his two brothers step out along with their father. 

The boy softly whimpered, small frame enveloped with nothing but the sheer darkness that was daring to eat him alive, maybe the shadows could provide him some warmth? 

Age:6

"grow up , you're a boy.  Don't cry" his father had pressed , welling a lump in the latter's chest - it felt too much to breathe, he wasn't what burned more his bloody knees or his hollow chest, sucked up sobs in his throat , his doe eys shining within the marble floor he could hear everything too loud. The shallow ticks of the clock was hammering into his brain, god. it hurt. 

"Don't cry, boys don't cry."

Those echoled through his head for years, perhaps more than it should've, perhaps if he didn't imbeeded it into his brain reaching out with bleeding wrists would've been easier in the fututre. but who was he to know that now? His dad caressed his head but it failed to give the warmth teh boy was yearning , the stalling feeling of a father's love.