Flame of the Last Rose (completed)

Who's to blame

 The doctor walks into the room and starts talking to Avery's family. I watch their expressions as I the doctor talk to them. My heart dropped when their faces showed pure worrieness and sadness. They started walking to my mom and I as the doctor walked away.

"Lindsey," she started leaning towards me as she tried to block out tears, "During Avery's surgery something happened and her heart stopped, however," she wiped away some of her tears that were already falling and shifted her weight,"they were able to get her heart beating again, but she's in the ICU in pretty bad condition," she finished telling me as she walked back to her husband.

I was already crying but it felt like I started crying all over again. However she is alive. There is a chance she will live, how good of a chance I don't know, but it's there.

I'm alright. I whisper to myself trying to calm myself down before i have a breakdown. I'm alright. You are safe. But i don't believe it. I'm not okay. I'm not alright. Avery is alive. She has an eating disorder. She tried to die and I did nothing. I want these thoughts to stop but they keep coming out of my control.

Avery is in the ICU with an attempted suicide, you could've done something. You could've saved her. Stop it! Stop it! She told me it wasn't my fault, but why do I feel like it is? It isn't my fault. IT ISN'T MY FAULT. But maybe I could've done something, helped her, been there for her. I was though.

All my of thoughts clashing together brought on a panic attack. I didn't know how serve it was. My breathing became rapid, my heart was racing and pounding against my chest. Sweat started to form on my forehead even though I wasn't close to being hot.I started shaking like I was freezing but I wasn't. I felt very lightheaded from all the panicking, and soon myself on the floor.

"Lindsey, wake up," my mom whispered to me as she leaned close.

I slowly woke up. I felt better. My heart wasn't racing, I wasn't sweating, I felt fine. My head however was in so much pain.

"Lindsey, what happened?" My mom asked me as she sat me up and handed me water.

"I had a severe panic attack," I answered her and took a sip from my water, "I'm fine now, but my head hurts," I added after I had some water.

"Alright honey," My mom told me as she stood up.

I slowly got up, being careful to not stand up to fast. I want to visit Avery so bad.

"Do any of you guys know when we can visit Avery?" I asked walking over to them.

"Well we were about to tell you to come with us to see her, and then you passed out so lets go" Avery's mom told me gesturing to the direction we have to go.

I walked into her room and my heart dropped. Avery was hooked up to all these machines. A steady heart rate was shown on the monitor. I sat down on the chair next to her bed and wished she was awake and wish she was not death doorstep but rather here standing with me, having a conversation. I never got the chance to tell her about me. About my life.

I feel a hand upon my shoulder. It was avery's sister Alexianna. She sat next to me and she grabbed her sisters tiny hand and I saw tears streaming down her face. I noticed her mom left the room I wanted to talk to her.

"Hey, why aren't you in there with the rest of us?" I asked her shifting my feet.

"It's too hard for me to see her like this. Especially after what she put in her note about us, I can't stop thinking about all the times we didn't treat her right, and we just thought it was for the better but we didn't know how crushing it was to her," she answered me through tears and choking back sobs.

"No body is perfect we make mistakes," I told her in an attempt to sooth her.

She just nodded her head and I walked back into her room and sat with sister. I look over at her dad and he doesn't look sad, or angry, he just doesn't know how to feel. He seems like he worried, but like he's guilty, and I know why so I'm just not going to talk to him.

An hour later, which didn't feel like long my mom told me we had to leave. I sadly left with her not wanting to leave my girlfriend in that bed to wake up with me not there, but I didn't want to argue with my mom. On the way home my mom offered dunkin and i said yes, because I wanted something comforting to me, but I will never be okay until avery is.

"Hey Lindsey," my mom started to say as I drinking my iced coffee, "with all thats happen I'm going to let you stay home from school the rest of this week and next week, if the school doesn't know about avery it's fine we can tell them it was family emergency,"

I just nodded my head. I know I would be a mess in school.

The days after the first visit was absolute torture I would go to the hospital everyday and I would have some hope in me that Avery would be awake and talking but next day and the day after and the day after, it didn't happen. I wanted to know that Avery is going to be alright, I know she isn't right now but to see her awake, even if it is just for a few hours will be everything. However sadly it hasn't happened yet.

The doctors told me she has aspiration pneumonia, which is a lung disease that she had gotten from her stomach pumping and they put her in a coma because of the fact she is malnourished she could die if she wasn't which is fine, they told us it shouldn't be long until they wake her up, which is good I'm just so worried about her. However nothing could be prepare me on what happened when I walked in on the 5th day. 

(A/N) Hey I'm on time this week .... finally. Sorry about the cliff hanger I will try my very best to get the next part up but I'm going away for 16 days and I'm leaving Friday, but I will be able to write but not often so bare with me. BTW thank you guys so much we are almost at 250 reads, thank you for reading this story, I didn't think it was going to get to 100 let alone be approaching 250 thank you guys for exceeding my expectations