The Prince's Choice (Zutara)

XXIII

Ever since their kiss, Zuko had become like a drug to Katara. She found herself completely unable to stay away from him, to stay in her room and wait her turn for a date like every other girl. At least it seemed to be the same for Zuko, for as often as she found herself in the food cabinet, Zuko was there too. She always told herself that if she just got one more night, one more stolen moment, it would hold her over until the next time they could meet formally outside the darkness of night. That never was true. If she was being very honest about it, each moment she met him only made it harder and harder to go without seeing him again.

They kissed a couple more times, nothing past soft and gentle. Katara could live with that. Zuko had never kissed anyone, so it was up to him to set the pace. She wasn't going to force him. Besides, even just getting those soft pecks soothed her in a very unexpected way.

Somewhere, they both knew this couldn't keep up. Someone would notice his absence one night, and it wouldn't take a genius to figure it all out. She would be putting herself in the danger of Ozai's wrath. Or, she'd have to make a decision hastily to ensure her absolute protection, such as saying 'yes' to Zuko and telling him to stop the competition so he could take his place as Fire Lord. Once he was the Fire Lord and she was, theoretically, Fire Lady, Ozai would have far fewer means to push her out.

But it wasn't that simple.

Katara didn't like thinking about the future of this, of them. She didn't like the way Zuko brought it up.

For Katara, going home was still the plan, eventually. Her tribe still needed her. Things were fixed for the moment, but it would be all too soon that the increase in food and supplies wouldn't be enough anymore, or that something big and awful would happen. She couldn't abandon her people for a boy, especially not when that was never the plan to begin with.

But she wasn't ready to give up Zuko, either. She told herself that she'd dated very casually before, so this should be no different. Except, Zuko didn't see it as casual. And, truth be told, it was far different than any other relationship she'd ever had.

If she was really forced to consider it, she'd say that her plan was to enjoy this - them - as long as she possibly could. She was sure she made it clear to Zuko that her being here with him, was not her submitting her acceptance of giving her hand in marriage. If she could have things her way, she would stay until the second to last person and then let Zuko marry the winner, hopefully someone Katara approved of. They'd continue being friends, because she couldn't imagine Zuko not being in her future in some way. She'd foster relations between her tribe and the Fire Nation, and things would be good.

She was afraid of Zuko's growing attachment to her. She was afraid of her growing attachment to him. There was a flicker of a question; what if she couldn't let him go? Well, that was simply unacceptable, since they both had jobs to do.

She also recognized that it might not only be herself in danger, but Zuko too. Every day that he drew out the competition to get another day with Katara was a day that Azula had to plan her coup. It wasn't even an 'if' but a 'when' Azula would try to overthrow him. She was too crazy not to try.

Katara had made a promise to Toph, and even more so, a promise to herself. At the first sign of danger to Zuko's life, the first moment she felt like Azula might actually have the ability to pull something truly dangerous together or that Ozai decides Azula would may be a better ruler (which, honestly, was rubbish), Katara would press Zuko to choose a wife, end the competition, and ascend to the throne. She couldn't bear the thought of being so selfish that she would hold Zuko's life in front of him for her own feelings.

All Katara had to do, if that didn't happen, was hold her feelings close - but not too close - and offer companionship to Zuko. Enjoy this time that they did have and not obsess over a future that, with so many girls still remaining, seemed very far away.