Regrets

Uh-Oh

Simon

Life has been rough, but with Penny and Baz, I'm okay. I'm happy. Of course I've seen the scars. Of course I realize I was depressed, but now I don't have to worry about the bad memories because I don't have any.

Baz leaves everyday for about an hour or two. He never tells me where he goes. That's where he is now. Penny is asleep. And Baz's phone is sitting on the couch. I smile and pick it up. What is the password? I try every date that might be significant. Nothing. On a hunch, I type in the date that Penelope told me I was born. It unlocks, but I frown. Why is it my birthday?

I open the camera roll. All the pictures have me. Some with Baz, but in some, I'm alone. Wow. We were close. Then I see one of us kissing. I nearly drop the phone. No. Not friends. Boyfriends. Why would he hide that from me!?

I go to the notes app. One note is dated Christmas Eve of last year. I open it.

'Simon Bloody Snow kissed me. All my dreams have come true! But what about the others? Wellbelove? The Mage? The Humdrum? My mother? Nicodemus? I'm so lost.'

I shiver as I read it. I should know these names. Why don't I remember? I open the next one labeled 'Possible Spells'.

'- Bigger on the Inside--expansion spell?

- Carry on my wayward son--calming and helping sleep

-Anything for vampires? No.'

The door opens and Baz walks in with a sad smile. His smiles are always sad. His smile drops when he sees his phone in my hand.

"We aren't friends," I say.

"What?" Baz sounds shocked.

"We were dating. Why didn't you tell me?"

"How did you unlock-"

"Your password is my birthday, Baz. We dated and you hid that from me. What exactly happened Christmas Eve?"

"Simon, you don't understand."

"Answer my questions," I say, "because I have more."

"It was a fluke, how we started dating. I was suicidal, and you kissed me to save me. We started dating. If that had never happened, we wouldn't be together. I didn't want to force you into anything. You can have such a good future away from me."

"Spells. Vampires? What does that mean?" I ask.

"You saw that?!" he says, gaping at me.

"Yes."

"You were never supposed to see that!" Baz growls, angry at himself.

"What's going on?" Penelope yawns, walking in.

"He found my phone," Baz says through clenched teeth.

"Vampires and spells? Are you writing a book or something? And those names from Christmas Eve mean something. But what?"

Penny looks horrified. Baz looks upset.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to find it," Baz mutters.

"Simon, it's okay," Penny starts.

"NO! It's not okay! My memories are gone and people I thought were my friends have been keeping stuff from me!" I cry. A thought hits me. "Did you do this? Did you take away my memories??"

Penny looks guilty, but Baz stays calm.

"Simon, listen-"

"NO!" I scream, breaking into sobs.

"Bunce, give us a moment," Baz says, and I hear her leave.

"I don't understand," I whimper.

"Were you happy?" Baz asks.

"What?"

"Before you went through my phone, were you happy?" Baz asks again.

"I su-suppose."

"Look at your arms."

I roll up my sleeves, revealing the scars littering my arms.

"What about them? I know there are cars," I say.

"You were low, Simon. You self-harmed. You hated yourself. You hated everything. Some days you wouldn't leave your bed for anything. We didn't know what to do." Baz whispers.

"How did you do it?" I demand.

He sighs. "Magic."

"Tell me or I leave," I snarl, looking at him through my tears.

"I am telling you. Penny and I are mages. You were once, but you lost everything saving the World of Mages. That's why you were always so depressed. We didn't know how to help you, Si. You wouldn't talk to your therapist anymore. You just got worse and worse."

"Undo it," I command. "Give me my memories back now."

"Bunce has an antidote. But, Si, I don't want you to be miserable anymore."

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER INSTEAD OF DESTROYING MY PAST!" I scream.

Baz

I lower my head in shame, but I refuse to let the tears fall down.

"Simon, I..."

"Just don't. Fucking don't."

The tears come. "I just wanted to see you smile again," I whisper.

The door shuts and I look up to see Simon Snow is gone.