Randomness With Smosh_Fanfics

Fanfic Bootcamp Entry #4 (Spoilers for Infinity War)

He really should be nervous.

Loki was undefeated. Over twenty battles, and he'd taken the crown each time. They say that no one in the crowd ever voted against him. There was a reason, after all, that they called him "the God of the Mic."

But as Percy walked onstage to an absolutely silent crowd, his heart wasn't thumping, his breathing wasn't erratic, and he assumed his blood pressure was normal. I anything, he was relaxed.

How? Don't ask him, because he didn't know.

He stood there for a few silent, awkward minutes, before Loki himself walked on, clad in black and green and looking super sexy. Damn. No wonder the crowd loved him.

As Loki stopped in front of him, mic in hand, to the roaring screams from the crowd, a grin covering his face, Percy almost lost his comfortability.

Almost.

The beatboxer, some dude from Loki's universe named Sam, stood between them, coin in hand.

"Loki, as the reigning champion, you get to pick," Sam said. Despite his being a rap battle, he was strangely the only black person in the room.

Huh, Percy thought, we really have to work on making sure books, shows, and movies have more diverse casts and characters. It looks like a goddamn snowstorm in here.

Loki's grin grew even wider. That man would pull off a Joker cosplay perfectly if he painted his skin white and died his hair green. "Tails."

Sam flipped the coin, and grabbed it in midair. When he opened his palm, the coin read tails. Great. We were off to a great start.

The two (questionably) men stared into each other's eyes in a completely untender way.

"You're going down, Jackson," Loki said intimidatingly.

Percy did some fancy footwork. "In your dreams, buddy. I'm going to beat you so bad your mother won't want to look at you."

"My mother's dead," Loki shot back.

"Then I hope you don't visit her grave," Percy put an empathize on the e in grave.

Loki narrowed his eyes and pointed at Sam. "Give me a beat."

Sam obliged, laying down a sick beat. Percy took a deep breath. This is it, he reminded himself, this is the last battle you have to do in this strange world filled with fictional characters before you get to go home.

A few seconds later, Loki started his rap.

"Percy Jackson, I'm sure we've all heard of him,
The son of Poseidon who's honestly quite dim,
And needs a daughter of Athena to do the smart things for him.
The strongest demigod out there they say,
If you don't count Jason, Hazel, and the one who's gay.
But hey, he's got a lot of powers in his array,
If I'm really lucky he might hit me with a misty spray.
He's got five books from his perspective,
Just to find out that his importance in the final battle was subjective.
So just like Rachel, I'll give you this message:
You're not the hero, it's someone more impressive."

His final verse was met by cheers from the crowd. Percy even noticed one girl faint.

Percy chuckled. This was going to be easy.

"The Norse God of Trickery wants to battle me?
Every war he's ever waged have all ended badly,
And this one will be no exception,
Cause he's about as good at rapping as he is at deception.
You've betrayed your brother too many times to count,
When it comes to backstabbing you give him a discount.
Yet I suppose he loves you anyway,
I guess idiocracy runs in your family.
And, I'm sorry you died,
But if you'd just left the tesseract you'd have been fine."

The crowd looked shocked at the sick bars Percy had laid down. He rapid dabbed in Loki's shocked face, enjoying his victory, before he stepped back.

Loki shoved the mic back under his mouth.

"Yeah, if I left it the universe wouldn't have been in so much danger,
But what can I say? It's in my nature.
A least when I died, I wasn't faced,
With the fact I threw immortality in the trash like waste.
What great instincts you have, in order to do that,
I bet you're the kind of guy who would hug a bobcat.
And you're a loyal guy, something I can respect,
But jumping into Tartarus? Something in your brain ain't correct.
You're the son of a God, and so am I,
But while yours got pissed about olives, my father plucked out his eye!"

The crowd screamed bloody murder while Loki did a complicated dance that Percy could barely comprehend. Loki could've pulled a card out from behind his left ear and Percy wouldn't have been surprised.

"You think you're so clever, huh?" Percy raised his eyebrow. "Sam, drop me a sick beat!"

Sam dropped a beat sicker than a man seconds away from dying of the bubonic plague. Percy got right in Loki's face.

"You were the first threat the Avengers ever had to face,
I guess you were the warmup that was easy to disgrace.
Son of an Ice Giant, and it really shows,
Seeing as you get blue balls so often I'm surprised you haven't froze!
You thought you were the edgy kid, and I'm sure it hurt,
To figure out your sister has better fashion sense from her pants to her shirt.
And seeing as you were the only one who wasn't killed by Thanos' snap,
Just like in this battle, you're never coming back!"

Percy jumped backwards and crossed his arms. A little girl passed him sunglasses, which he happily put on. The crowd forgot who Loki was in that moment as they all started chanting "Percy! Percy! Percy!"

"You beat me," Loki whispered.

"Don't take it personally," Percy grinned. "Just like in every movie you've ever been in, the good guys always win."

The air whooshed as portals appeared at their feet, ready to take them back to their own universes.

"You better watch out!" Loki yelled as the fell. "I won't let you get away with this!"

"Can't wait to see you next year, too, my friend!" Percy yelled back. Then he landed in his bed, and Loki was nowhere to be seen.