[wattys shortlist 2018]
Colton has always hated Alexis. It's as simple as that.
Alexis has never hated Colton though, not even after the night havoc was let loose: chaos caused by him.
This summer, Alexis doesn't expect to be reunited with her to...
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I pull away blinking up at Colton.
"What was that for?" I breathe out, staring into his eyes now hyper aware of every detail.
He looks down intertwining our hands and rubbing the pad of his thumb in gentle circles against them. "I'm not sure."
Frowning, I peer at him through my lashes. "Why did you do it?"
"I'm not sure."
I stare at him quizzically and he blushes still fixated on our hands. "Colton?"
"I don't actually have an answer." He gazes back up. "I just had too."
"Does this have anything to do with this secret no one tell me about?" I ask, toeing my foot on the gravel.
"Yeah."
I cross my arms and sigh. "And I guess you aren't going to tell me."
Colton takes a deep breath, physically steeling himself. "I will. But can we go to the car? I need to sit down."
Nodding, I follow him down Peyton's driveway, glancing briefly to the first floor window where Peyton watches with a unimpressive look. I swallow, turning away and open the car door. Getting inside and angling my body on the seat to give Colton my full attention, I fiddle with my fingers in my lap waiting for him to settle in the car.
Another sighs leaves him and he finally focuses on me and drops the bomb.
"I'm bipolar."
I try to keep my face neutral as he continues. "I get more hypomanic episodes than manic and I've never really had them at camp... except that one time. Most of the time I'm just depressed but sometimes I'll have a manic episode where things will go south. I'll have so many thoughts and ideas and I'll just need to act on them. Like it was my idea to follow you girls away from the woods and scare you and then I had the idea that I could pretend to walk you off the edge of the cliff to see how far you would go before you finally fought back. It was a fun game— to see how long it would take you to crack. Even when I wasn't having episodes, I suffered badly from impulsivity... I still do and I would react quickly to things sometimes before they started because I was paranoid they would. I didn't really think, I just did. And even after, it was better not to think about what I did because then I just felt guilty. Which is probably why I should've thought about it..."
"Oh, Colton I'm so sorry." I whisper, gripping is arm tightly.
"Don't be. It's not an excuse."
"Is it treatable?"
"Not really. I mean I have good days and bad days. And as I said I'm more susceptible to hypomanic episodes that only lasts few days. When I had that manic episode that night, I was sent home to a clinic where I stayed a few days whilst they contained me. That's what my dad would always do, send me away so they can drug me up and tell them to ship me back when I was just normally mentally ill: 'the good old fashioned depression'. So that's he's not responsible when I take risks without thinking about them. Like entering myself in a street racing competition only to get into a huge crash."
