Save Yourself from Me

Chapter 29

Riley's Pov

I really wish I had spent the day planning my leave instead of sleeping in that damn bed with that damn bear. Perhaps the bear belonged to someone he loved, someone he lost, someone like his wife and unborn child, I thought.

I rolled my eyes, what did I expect? Just because he let me stay with him for a few days and he kissed me a couple of times, doesn't mean that he was moving on with his life, especially not with me, it was clear that he only saw me as a broken girl to be kept at a distance unless he needed a kiss, a friend with a benefit if anything.

The thought that Andy didn't feel the same way about me hurt.

I had made it to the train station and bought a ticket that got as close to home as possible and I would make a plan from there. I sighed as I finally settled into my seat on the train, my bag on the seat next to me. I checked my phone, I hadn't charged it before I left since I barely used it, this would be a long trip so I thought I would turn it off instead.

It was just after 9pm when the train left, I sighed as I said goodbye to the city and Andy. I leaned my head against the window as I watched the world fly by in a blur, much like this past week of being happy and drugged up.

I decided that when I got home I would continue taking my meds, but right now I really had the urge to drink. It felt almost like the further I got from Andy and his palace, the more real the fear became for the noises to return.

I ordered a drink from the cart as it passed and silently let the tears fall. I knew I should let Tracey know I was on the way back home, but I wasn't ready yet, I might stop a town over and get wasted before I went back home.

I thought about calling my brother, but I didn't know where he was or what he was doing, the last time I spoke to him, he was working across the world. I thought about packing all my shit and selling everything that wouldn't fit in the car, maybe take Tracey with and leave that damn town for good, I smiled at the idea of an endless road trip with my best friend before I fell asleep.

I had dreamt that Andy was talking to someone, but I couldn't see who, I only got part of the conversation when the voice said, "I'm nobody's hero, I've come undone. These demons I can't outrun and I've got a loaded gun."

The voice that responded was a feminine voice, "*****, put the gun down. Love was made to break. It broke you but you can still pick up the broken pieces."

The voice laughed, "Will anybody watch me? Is someone gonna stop me? This could be my last mistake."

The voices all became frantic, "Riley, put the gun down, just put the gun down." When I finally get to see who it is, it's me and I have a gun pointed at him. Andy has tears flowing down his face, everything is black and white except the red blood pooling around his feet. He falls to his knees staining his slack red.

"I'm sorry Andy, I'm sorry I can't help myself." He slowly starts moving toward me but I am startled awake by the bang.

When I wake, it is still dark outside and I feel a cold chill run down my spine, a fresh flood of tears stream down my face as I realise what happened in my dream, the images won't leave my mind, his lifeless body covered in blood because I killed him. The dream physically hurts and when I take out my phone to check the time, my hands are trembling uncontrollably, the white noise of the voices are pushed back by the pain of witnessing Andy die.

I manage to turn the phone on and instantly phone starts vibrating in my hand, notifications come flooding from Andy and Tracey, missed calls and texts. I ignore those and scroll to Andy's name, I hit the call button as I take a deep breath and let it out.

It's just after midnight, I know sometimes Andy stays up to 3am working and I beg Andy to pick up the phone, "Pick up, pick up, pick up." I just need to hear his voice and make sure he's okay, "Pick up."

When the phone connects to the other end and I hear Andy's voice, I release a breath I didn't realise I was holding.

"Hello." Oh thank the heavens and all that is holy, he's alive, but even with that one word, I can tell something is off, I am at a loss for words when he speaks again, "Riley?" My breathe hitches at my name.

"Hi." I breathe, I hear Andy take a deep breath, I can picture him pushing his hair back.

"Riley, where the fuck are you?" I bite my tongue, I left him a few hours ago and the events of the day play in my head that led me up to this moment.

I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

"You need to come back Riley, you need to get back here right now." He demands and I stay silent, "Riley, are you listening to me?"

I choke on a sob, "No Andy, I've outstayed my welcome and I was just calling to make sure you're okay, I..."

I hear Andy growl but his voice comes out so soft, so gentle, "Riley, please come home. I'm so sorry, I am so sorry." I can't take the pain in his voice that is breaking the pieces of my heart after he broke them earlier.

I end the call and turn my phone off, at least he's alive and he'll be okay. I tuck my hands under my arms as I pull my knees to my chest and lean my head against the window, begging my demons to visit and drown out the pain.