Yoon Bum x Reader: Mindfuckery

Chapter 19: Broken

Ba-thump

A stifling ominous aura enveloped the air and time seemed to shift into slow motion. The sickening sound that broke the severe silence was that of your own blood, dripping onto the hardwood floor with a soft patter.

"Eh...

UWAAAH!" Yoon Bum's eyes shot wide with horror. He reached out a helpless arm in your direction, but his feet refused to move. It was as if he had been petrified, turned to stone. All he could do was stare as the precious crimson liquid increased in volume, coating the knife as it poured from your arm. "Wh-why would you do that?!" He shrieked, unable to believe his own eyes.

"Because... I'm worthless to you." You mumbled dismally, looking down at your freshly opened wrist. "You always punish me because I can't behave... You'd be happier with someone else..." Bum's panic rose at your answer, his vision immediately becoming blurred with tears.

"But... I don't understand! Why would you hurt yourself?! Why didn't you just stab me and run?!"

"Because..." You finally met his eyes. "I would never be able to hurt you, Bum... I love you..."

"Ah!" Bum felt a tense swirl in his chest, as if the knife in your hand had just been driven into his back; it hurt so deeply, it burned to even breathe. Before he could fully process how to respond, you feigned falling in and out of consciousness. This way he would surely freak out and bandage your wound sooner, before you lost a dangerous amount of blood. Of course you never truly lost your will to fight as you'd led him to believe. You always planned to maintain the strength necessary to escape. But you had seen the scars on his wrist. You knew his insecurities, his fears; you'd been here long enough to watch for each one.

With one last soft, weak whisper of his name you fell limp, toppling off of your chair and onto the cold floor. Not a moment later you heard an audible thud, the sound of Yoon Bum sinking to his knees a few feet away. To your immense surprise, he didn't scream. He didn't say a word.

Something snapped inside Bum as he watched your vitality dwindle by the second, sand trickling out from a broken hourglass. His sun had just fallen from the sky, crashing down and obliterating the world as he knew it. His heart felt excruciatingly heavy, as if it was caving in on itself like a collapsing star. An overwhelming hysteria consumed him at the sight of your lifeless body.

'How...'  He stared at the grisly scene in front of him. His worst possible fear was unfolding before his very eyes, and Bum was now unraveling at the seams. How could he have done to you what Sangwoo did to him? The utter pain he caused... It was too much to bear; he empathized too hard! His lips quivered with grief and he began to cry. 'I'm despicable! I'm a monster!'  He had damaged his beautiful one and only, utterly broken her; forced her into a corner where she felt the need to end her own life.

'She's gone... she's dead... I did this to her...'  He was sobbing hysterically now, heaving wheezing breaths. He had taken your hope away, that beautiful wonderful thing your very existence brought to him. He was wretched, irredeemable.

'What have I done?!'  If only Sangwoo had just killed him! Why did he have to survive the fall when he was pushed down the stairs?! WHY?! This was surely a fate far worse than death. He had abducted an angel, broken her wings, then plucked off every ethereal feather until not a single one remained.

"AWAAAAH!" It was then that Bum let out a deafening wail of agony, the likes of which you had never heard before. It was a cry so forsaken; a call from the lonely desolate reaches of space. He had no idea before now just the extent of despair his existence could inflict upon another human soul. He was beyond just disgusting. This... there was no earthly word for what this is. His gasping forceful inhales filled the room. This whole thing was backwards; it wasn't right. It should be him and not you.

"It should... be me..." He panted. It startled you when his trembling hand found yours, slipping the bloody knife from between your fingers. It was a stroke of pure luck that you didn't flinch in surprise during your fake unconsciousness.

Bum allowed himself one more sob of grief before he swallowed the rest down, eying the knife with newfound purpose. He should have been put down years ago, he realized; before he had the chance to cause someone he loved this level of misery. He needed to bury that knife right where it belonged, deep into his chest, to end that pesky beating thing once and for all. He held it high with both hands. 'Okay, stab, twist, and pull...'  He told himself. This way he would be able to feel your blood run through his veins as he died, a last fleeting moment of togetherness with you.

"I'll go... with you, F/N..." He sniffled. As soon as you heard him whisper this, you felt a spike of dread and knew you had to act.

"Bum..." You reached out and brushed his knee with your fingertips, doing your best to feign delirium. Thankfully, it was enough to snap him out of his spiraling breakdown.

"Ah!" He touched your hand gently, his sanity rekindling. The knife fell from his fingers with a clink. "I-it's gonna be okay, F/N!" He shot darting glances around the room, looking for anything that could possibly stop the bleeding. It was now that he discovered the mobility in his legs and jumped up. His despair had quickly been overridden by an intense need to save you. He realized that if you survived this, he would have a chance to fix things, an opportunity to redeem himself.

"I'll help you!" He squeaked loudly as he ran from the room, hopefully to call an ambulance. Unfortunately, he merely returned with the first aid kid you had grown all too familiar with during your time here. Perhaps if he thought your life was truly in danger...

"Bum..." You groaned quietly when he knelt by your side.

"I'm right here, F/N!" He called to you, as if you were far away from him. The sheer amount of your blood pooling on the floor started to make Bum dizzy, and his vision began to haze and darken around the edges. His hands and feet were tingly from hyperventilating, but he wouldn't pass out now, not when you were in desperate need of his help.

You lolled your head to the side and fell completely still, causing Bum's heart to pause suddenly with worry. "No... No! NO!" He fumbled hastily with your bandages, sheer unbridled panic considerably hindering his dexterity. It was now you decided to make deliberate strangulated gasps, shattering Bum's spirit into pieces all over again. "I'm so sorry! F/N, please! Wake up! Don't leave me alone! You can't die! Please!" His voice broke repeatedly and you could feel his tears dripping onto your skin as he tied off the dressing.

With a shocking amount of strength- it must have been pure adrenaline- Bum heaved you up underneath your arms and clumsily dragged you into the bedroom, bumping your ankles on the kitchen doorframe as he did so. Once he had you comfortably laid out on the bed he clutched you close to him.

Yoon Bum sniffled and sobbed into your neck before pressing his ear between your breasts. And that's where he stayed. At this moment, the sound of your steady heartbeat was the most comforting thing he'd ever heard in his life.

"Please... don't leave me..."

You felt an immeasurable wave of guilt overtake you as you felt his slender form shuddering against you. It was far beyond his usual trembling; his entire body was violently shaking, as if a cataclysmic earthquake was erupting inside of him.

'I'm sorry, Bum... So sorry.'

It was a bitter victory that you had won.

Bum had been broken.... and yet here you remained in the same place you had always been.

Trapped.