Boobs and Other Potty Mouthed Words

Chapter 13: The Story

The human mind is a fantastically strong and fragile thing but so is life. This I have learned throughout my years of life. My first anxiety attack was in fifth grade when I was incredibly scared of entering the room of people who seemed to hate me. Including my brother. I thought I was dying, I couldn't breathe, my body trembled but I felt like my body was melting, I lost all control and I thought the walls were closing in. My mother recognized what was happening, since she has anxiety too, my father was yelling at me to get ready. To stop acting stupid. He didn't understand. This was the first time and almost only the last time she ever stood up against him for me. And then, she held me. She sunk to the floor and wrapped her arms around me in a firm hug. She pet my hair and told me it was going to be okay (first of course I didn't really understand, when in a panic it's hard to concentrate on voices, but slowly it sunk in what she was saying). She told me that this feeling would pass, that my heart would stop racing. That control was in her arms and it was okay. I skipped school that day. I don't normally have panic attacks on a day-to-day basis, but that doesn't mean my anxiety goes anywhere. One switch could trigger it, trigger me. No matter where, no matter how. Sometimes, there doesn't really need to be any other reason but the fact I'm near people. So, when I find myself inside a clothing store, sunken down to the floor, not being able to breathe, think, but feel my heart racing, I know what it is.

But this isn't because people are here.

I am hearing the door pounding, and it's making me whimper. It's making me hold onto my cellphone tighter, I can't really piece together the voices that are asking for me. My ears are ringing. The door opens, I look up seeing Ryan standing there, his eyes searching my face until there is an understanding of what's going on. He pulls me into his arms, I drop my phone, I watch his lips move, and slowly the pieces start falling together.

"We..." I look around the store's floor. "We gotta go. We have to go. I gotta see her." I say panting, my eyes wide. He takes my face in his hands searching my eyes.

"What's going on?" He asks loudly, I just look at him, my mouth open. Trying to find the correct words but finding none.

"M...My cell phone." I nod. "My. Cell. Phone."

"I'll get it." Jenny says going inside the changing room. "Ryan..." She says looking at the same text my eyes fell upon five minutes ago. I watch his eyes scatter from me to Jenny. He presses his lips together, pulling off the tag that the white sundress has, he takes my arm grabbing my shoes.

"Pay for it." He orders leading me out of the store quickly. He slides me into the back seat of his car, buckling my seat belt. "Grace." I look at the ground, noticing the little specks of dirt from shoes and god knows what else. I take a deep breath. "Grace, it's going to be okay. You're okay. This is going to happen and they are going to be okay." I look up at Ryan and give a soft, gentle smile. My heartbeat slowing down, though I can gain control fast it feels like the panic attack lasts forever, and I still am shaken up afterwards.

Jenny comes in the car with my clothes in hand and we ride to the hospital. After parking in the nearest spot we can find, I slide on my shoes and jump out of the car immediately, not looking back when I run to the hospital's doors- Ryan and Jenny following. I jump to the desk, the receptionist on the phone ignoring me completely, Ryan and Jenny stand on both sides of me.

"Miss?" I ask out loud, my voice shaking. Her eyes flash to me but one finger with the fakest smile flashes towards me telling me to wait.

"I don't think you understand the situation, we can't wait." Ryan says, his jaw clenching trying to maintain his temper. The receptionist sighs, turning away.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." She sighs twirling her finger with the chord. I press my lips together, reaching over the desk, and slam my fingers on the hook, making her hang up. She turns around holding the phone away from her ear. "Excuse me-"