Naruto OC reviews

OC 33 (Asahi Ashikage)

This OC is by SasuNaru-ships and I hope you like it.
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1st Oc---

Name: Asahi (Morning sun) Ashikage

Nice name

Nickname: Sunshine

Wait so Naruto and whoever comes in contact with him calls him sunshine if they know him? I have heard of parents calling their kids things like that but not friends. Some families do in the real world cause mine does that, but this is how it would sound if they used his nickname in the fanfiction. "Hey Sunshine" "Sunshine....stay back" "You think you can beat us? Well just wait till sunshine gets here." It doesn't sound very intimidating. I would say the nickname shouldn't be the meaning of him because most nicknames aren't based on the meaning of the name they are based on the shorter version of the name. For him I can see Asa-Kun as a nickname or just Asa. Also are you sure you want a boy's nickname to be sunshine?

Age: 11

Oh ok

Birthday: June 7

Nice

Village: Leaf

Cool

Looks:

This is very good picture and he looks very cool.

Family: Amra Amari (Mom; Alive) Midori Ashikage (Dad; Alive) Mamoru Ashikage (Older brother; Alive) Hanako A (Younger sister; Deceased)

Nice and thanks for the love status but I have a question. I think Hanako is supposed to have Ashikage but it got cut off. Also the mother doesn't have the last name, so does that mean that her and Modori ain't married?

Gender: Male

Cool

Likes: Animals, sweets, training, talking to his mom, being with his older brother and teammates.

Cool, they are all simple things.

Dislike: Dango, (Makes him sick and throw up) Being called weak and a cry baby, His sickness, Genjutsu, Being sensetive.

Nice and his dislikes are justified sense they genuinely bother him.

Hobbies: Playing with his pet bunny, Training, Matsu.

Cute

Weapons: Kunai's, Shurikens, paper bombs, string wires etc.

Cool

Sexuality: Bi

Cool

Crush: Matsu Mikazuki

Oh he has a crush on another OC? Cool

Rival: Doesn't have one

Nice

Personality: He's very sweet and kind. Can be loud and playful but when someone offends him he sulks down and goes quiet. Asahi can be very sensitive and cries easily something he inherited from his mom when someone hurts his feelings. He's a fast learner and can be determined and tough but slows down when feelings are hurt.

Pretty good and it all fits in the same category for personality. Thank you for doing that.

Abilities/ Jutsu's:

Chakra nature: Water and wind.

Nice and you gave him two. Cool.

Kekkei Genkai: Ice release.

Cool

Back story: Asahi was born in the hidden Leaf village, when birthed at first he wasn't making any noises or even crying and doctors feared that he was dead but after a few minutes he finally made a noise and started crying. Asahi has this sickness he got when he was 2 years old, he lacks of sleep and has stomach pain in his stomach that leaves him crying for hours. His parents got worried and got all the help they needed to find out what was wrong with their son. Asahi's older brother was always there to help his younger brother when in pain. His brother learned Medical Ninjutsu just to help his brother when in pain. After a year of research doctors learned Asahi's sickness was called Gartoma (Made it up).

Nice and it makes him different sense he's suffering from something. Also there are sicknesses out there that with these kinds of symptoms. You can look them up because they are easy to find.

This sickness requires him to rest a lot and drink a lot of water even tho his medicine makes it taste bad. He takes 4 pills for this illness and 2 other for chakra. Asahi being hyper and has lots of chakra in him keeps half while the Gortoma eats the other half away leaving him dizzy and faint when uses to much chakra.

Oh so he really has to try if he wants to succeed sense he has this illness. It also makes gives him character and brings a little reality to him. Good job.
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Final Analysis- This OC is good and has a unique feel to it. However, there is one thing and that's his nickname. I used examples which you should always use when thinking of a nickname or just a name. Especially if it is going to be in a story, it is crucial that you have a good name or it won't fit into Naruto. Like a couple of examples that don't work for Naruto that are names and nicknames are Amy, Chad, Sunshine, Cloud (some people debate on it), Basically american sounding names. You want a name that would fit in with the rest of the Naruto crew and a nickname as well. Another example is Sakura Haruno and her nickname Saki. His name is great but the nickname is really the only thing. Other than that this OC is really good. Thank you so much for letting me review your OC, it was a honor.
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