Anne Gallagher

She didn't mean to pee in the plant.

I wake up to Lip's alarm going off. I'm always the first one awake. I get dressed, wake the boys, and go downstairs for breakfast. I get down the stairs to see V drinking coffee and reading the paper.
"Morning Anne!" She smiles. "Do you want me to get you some cereal?" I nod. V gets up, and I sit at the table.
"Wanna know something?" She asks. I nodded my head again. "You're my favorite Gallagher."
"Really? What about Fi?"
"Fiona can be loud. But you? You're always quiet. It's nice." I was about to respond, but Kevin walks in through the back door.
"Hey, babe," V says to Kev as he walks into the house.
"Stop lending the Gallaghers our shit, V. A toaster? Who borrows a toaster?"
"Carl set theirs on fire trying to melt two action figures together."
"Yeah? I don't give a shit if he was trying to melt his balls together. Tell him to buy a toaster. They're like 20 bucks, for Christ sakes."
"Ten minutes to get downstairs," Fiona yells from the living room. "Why is it so cold in this house?" She asks us. I hear a knock at the door.
"Looks like an "A.'" Fiona says to Debbie, who walks down the stairs with her project. "Can someone get the door?" I get up and rush to the door.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The bat is for killing, not for taking to school. I need no more notes from your teacher." I hear Fiona say.
I open the door to see Steve. I look to Fiona and then point to Steve.
"Go away." She says, walking to the door.
"I'm here for Ian, not for you." He replies.
"Befriend the brother to win back the girl?"
"Is that what I'm doing?"
"You tell me."
"Why is it so cold in here? Steve asks, walking in without permission.
"Where's my damn toaster?" Kevin asks.
"Huh?"
"Who borrows a toaster?" Kevin sees Carl trying to put an action figure in it, so Kev snatches it away from him.
"No! Yo, Destructo, that's my toaster! I'm trying to make Melted Man." Carl whines.
"Yeah, well, use a blowtorch like a normal kid. Hey, Fi, some flower delivery guy was looking for your address."
"Here. They're from him. Toss 'em."
"No, they're not. Nope."
"Yes! Four bars. Thank you, Beaver327. Back for more abuse. You're like a boomerang." Debbie yells.
"Yeah, no, I lost a bet to Ian on the Islanders game. Need to see what tickets he wants me to get him."
"And we live in the 1700's, where telephones haven't been invented yet, so you couldn't just call."
"Not when I knew you were dying to see me."
"Yo. Got my tickets?" Ian asks as he walks down the stairs.
"Yeah, what game?"
"Philly on the 12th or Edmonton on the 27th?"
"Uh, the Oilers, yeah. That's a good choice. The Flyers are a bunch of fags.
"Damnit. The gas bill is late. No wonder it's freezing in here." Fiona says as she looks away from the fridge.
"Fiona, thanks for a night I'll never forget. Tony." V reads from a card on the flowers.
"Give me that. Who the fuck's Tony? Did you hook up with Tony? How charitable of you. Wait, Tony the cop? That Tony?" Steve asks.
"Yeah."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and we had a nice time, okay? Tony's sweet. And he has a real job." Steve fakes snore.
"I'm sorry, I fell asleep when you were talking about him. How long was I out for?" Steve asks.
"Lip, phone." Lip throws her the family phone.
"And what exactly does 'hooked up' mean?"
Last time I checked, the penis goes into the vagina."
"Wow!"
"We need $587, or they won't turn the gas back on," Fiona announces to everyone.
"I'm taking the PSATs for some Polish kid over in Ridgedale. He's supposed to give me, like, a hundred bucks." Lip replies as he puts an empty bowl into the sink.
"I saw online that we can get an extra $200 a month from the state if we say Carl's retarded." Debbie states.
"I get paid Friday," Ian says, following Lip.
"Okay, I'll figure out the rest. School! Let's go. Everyone out." Carl and I run to the front door. He stops me and zips up my coat before we walk out of the house.

Lip walked us home. He was telling us about how Mickey is looking for Ian because Mandy claims he tried to rape her.
"Let Ian know the nose is the most broken bone in boys between the ages of 13 and 25," I tell Lip as we walk into the house. We stop when we see an old man dressed in a woman's dress.
"Who's the old dude?" Carl asks
"It's not a dude. It's your Aunt Ginger."
"Oh, the one who owns the house?"
"That's right. Ginger! Say hello to your niece and nephews!"
"Frank, stop." Fiona scolds.
"Why-Why's he trying to pass off Mr. Perry as Aunt Ginger?" I ask.
"Who?"
"Mr. Perry was our old bus driver. He sleeps by the dumpster at the A&P." Carl explains.
"Social Security wants to talk to Ginger, and he was too lazy to go get the real one." Fiona answers.
"That's kind of retardedly brilliant," Lip says
"Thank you."
"Or brilliantly retarded."
"Thank you."
"Now we have to drive all night to go get her. Think Kev will let us borrow his car?"
"No."
"I'll call and beg."
"We got these from Imelda over at the Holiday Inn," Ian says, walking in through the front door.
"It'll be a good way to stay warm." Steve finishes.
"Why's Mr. Perry here?" Ian asks.
"Hey, Kev, it's me. Uh, can I borrow your car just for the night? I need..." Frank takes the phone out of Fiona's hand and hangs it up.
"You won't need the car," Frank mumbles.
"How are we gonna get Ginger?"
"She's dead."
"What?"
"Who's dead?" Debbie asks, walking into the house.
"Aunt Ginger." Lip states
"No!" Debbie cries out.
"Debs, you never met her."
"And now I never will!"
"Don't give me a hard time. I've been upset about this for quite a while. I'm in mourning." Frank tries to argue.
"When did she die?" Frank thinks for a few seconds.
"Mmm, 12 years ago...." We all groan. "I was trying to protect you all from the trauma."
"Shit!" Fiona screams.
"How do you think I feel? That woman was my heart and soul. She raised me."
"Frank, you've been cashing her checks. That's a felony. We're living in her house. Was there even a will?"
"You don't need a will if she's not dead."
"Yes, she is dead, Frank. Dead is dead. Just because you have told nobody she's dead, doesn't make her not dead.
"Fuck! What are we gonna do now?"