Anne Gallagher

It extends our quality father-daughter time

"Carl, what are you doing?" I says, waking up to him putting some sheets over our bunk.
"Privacy. We need some damn privacy around here." Carl says.
"You know that's never gonna happen in this house, right? And what do you need privacy for anyway?" I ask.
"You know what, forget it, Anne. Let's go outside for a bit. Ethel and Debbie are out there. I'm sure we can hang out with them for a while." Okay, weird. Carl's starting to act strange.
We get outside and I immediately go for my Barbie dolls sitting on the lawn.
"Anne, do you want a popsicle?" I hear Debbie ask from the stairs. I look up from my barbie dolls to see her and Ethel eating some. Carl above them, now playing with gas and fire, per usual. I shook my head. I like to stick with fruit during the summer. Keeps me hydrated. Fiona comes out, putting in her earring.
"I'm late for work. Carl, quit it!" She walks back up the stairs and takes the lighter and gas out of Carls hands. "Hey, enough." She says. As she walks back down, she states "Bed by midnight. No exceptions."
"Bye Fiona!" I say, waving to her.
"Bye kiddo." She says before turning around and heading to work. After a good half hour, Carl and I decided to go in so he can make us breakfast.
"Jody has hair longer than Fiona's and a motorcycle with a luggage compartment." I hear Lip say as Carl and I enter the kitchen.
"Yeah," Ian starts, unimpressed. "Test me on the theorems."
"Um, if A equals B, then B equals A."
"Symmetric."
"He might as well get a windshield and call it a car." Lip says, referring back to Jody. "A equals A."
"Reflexive." Carl sets out the milk and cereal and makes our breakfast. "Maybe it's a phase." Debbie walks down the stairs and grabs the cereal box from Carl.
"She hasn't even slept with him yet" Lip points out. "Maybe he's a eunuch."
"Maybe she just likes him."
"Okay, Gallaghers, I need full and total cooperation." Fiona states as she enters the kitchen. "Unfortunately, Frank has rented out his room to a pregnant woman." We already knew this.
"I told them." Debbie points out.
"You let her in last night?" Fiona begins to scold.
"She let herself in. She has a key." I say before going back to my cereal.
"Besides," Debbie starts. "She's from China. They kill extra babies there." The Chinese woman comes downstairs, holding a bag and a large bowl. She starts to cook rice for breakfast, as we all stare her down. Carl and I take our food to the kitchen table.
"That's it. I'm calling Frank." Fiona picks up her flip phone and dials his number. "...Somebody just dropped off $200 for you. Said he owed you and thanks... Unshaven, Flannel shirt, cauliflower ear... I'm leaving 50 for you on the mantel, but I'm buying groceries with the rest." Fiona hangs up the phone.
"Bravo." Ian states.
"Give him hell, sis. We're off to work." Lip slaps Fionas shoulder lightly before they both leave the house. Carl takes my bowl and puts it in the sink.
"Stay here, I'll be back." He kisses my forehead and follows Debbie.
"The rush is starting!" Debbie exclaims. I go sit next to the Chinese woman in the living room, giving her a soft smile. Carl sits on the other side, making her uncomfortable.
"Ever eat a dog?" Carl asks. I hit my forehead on the palm of my hand in defeat.
"Where Frank?" Is all she asks.
"Chocolate-covered sparrow?" Carl pressures on. I roll my eyes.
"Fiona called him. I say with a smile. He should be on his way over. And as if on cue, Frank comes in through the back door.
"Where's the money?" He asks, announcing his presence.
"Ask Kung Fu Panda." I hear Fiona answer. I assume she was talking about the Chinese woman.
"You tricked me?" He asks.
"You gave somebody a key to our house?" She rebutted.
"Are we gonna get bird flu?" Debbie asks, entering the kitchen.
"No." Fiona answers. "Go watch the kids, please."
"INS raided her maternity hideout. I was clearing my stomach outside the Alibi. I found her huddled by the dumpster." Frank explains.
"So you dumped her on us?"
"We're giving her a home 'till the baby is born American."
"How much she paying you?"
"Democracy is built one baby at a time."
"I'm calling INS. Give me what's left of the money."
"This is a human rights issue."
"Chicago. Immigration and Nationalization Service, please." Fiona says over the phone.
"Naturalization." Frank corrects.
"Naturalization?"
"Ninety bucks a week. For bed, rice, and tea."
"You know, historically, if I double your lie, I get the truth. So, she's already giving you 180?"
"A little over 200." Fiona hangs up the phone.
"Why always the deception stutter-step before the truth?"
"Because it extends our quality father-daughter time."
"Give me what's left."
"Let immigration do its job."
"You spent all of it."
"Wrong. Wrong." Frank slaps some money on the counter.
"Seventeen dollars?"
"And change."
"Please, just go. Just leave and go whatever it is you do that doesn't require you being here."
"People are in and out of here like it's a Guatemalan whorehouse. I didn't think you'd notice." Frank starts to walk into the living room, Fiona following closely behind.
"I notice that you're here. And the only reason why is that you thought money came in. You know what goes on when you're not here? Life." Frank ignores Fiona, says something to the Chinese woman, bows, and then leaves. "You can stay until the baby's born, but you're helping with the daycare." Fiona says to the woman. "Get in the kitchen and fill sippy cups."
"No English."
"Start filling sippy cups with juice, or I'll have you and your commie fetus deported faster than you can say Saigon." The woman gets up and heads over to the kitchen. Fiona starts to head up the stairs. "Okay, guys, I'm going upstairs to my office. Debs and Ethel are in charge. Keep away from the pool, or you'll drown."