Anne Gallagher

A shrink at school said I'm one of God's mistakes

"Oh no, we have a spill." Ethel says calmly.
"Stop throwing food, Ankush! Stop, it's not funny, kid!"
"I can do the feeding if you need a break." Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. I decided to help Debbie out by answering it.
"I'm looking for Fiona Gallagher." Debbie comes out of the bathroom.
"How old is he?" Debbie asks, referring to the baby in her arms.
"He is a she." The woman says, getting pissed. "Where's Fiona?"
"Uh, hang on. I'll get her." A few minutes pass, and Fiona comes waking down the stairs.
"Hey, I'm Fiona."
"Bitch!" The woman yells, slapping her across the face, her baby still in her arms. "That's for fucking y husband!"
"Oh, shit!" Fiona yells, running away.
"Remember me?" The woman runs after Fiona. "Lucy Joe Heisner? Craigs wife?" Fiona tries to grab the family bat, but failed and just kept running. "Oh, I see. You run like a coward, you filthy bitch." I hear a thud and more running footsteps. "You're not getting away from me that easy, you little slut."
"Oh shit!" Fiona yells from outside.
"I'm gonna beat you like a piñata till candy flies out of your ass."
"Shit!" Is the last thing we hear.
"Anne, why don't we go over to Hank's place?" Carl asks. I just slowly nod my head and we head out the door.

When we get to Hank's place, I realized he was house sitting. There was no way he lived in a house that nice. I didn't really like Hank. He was a jerk. I'd much rather be hanging out with Gilbert, but he's in Canada for the summer.
"Guy must travel a lot." Carl says, referring to the tiny alcohol bottles sitting at his bar.
"Nah, he's a midget. Likes how these make him feel normal." Hank's phone rings. "House sitters, incorporated... Mom, I told you, I need to keep this line open for clients..." He takes a swig of the mini beer. "Yes, I'm fine... Tomorrow... Yeah, me too." He hangs up the phone.
"Bummer the guy comes back tomorrow."
"Relax, I got more gigs lined up." A door opens up.
"What was that?" Carl asks. And suddenly, the man that Hank was house sitting for, comes in and sees Carl and Hank drinking his mini beers.
"What the hell is going on?!" The guy yells, throwing his bag down.
"Shit, you said Thursday!" Hank says.
"It is Thursday." The man clarifies. "You were just supposed to bring in the mail and water, you little shit. You're drinking my booze?!" Carl, Hank, and I run out of the house.
"I thought you were kidding about the midget thing!"

Instead of just going home, Carl and Hank decided that we were going to go to Hank's next client. Mr and Mrs. Johnson. I knew them from church. They are the old couple that always had hard candy. Even brought me home once.
"This one here is Mrs. Johnson's favorite." The old man looks at me and I smile to show I'm listening. "It likes to drink every day, but this one over here is a bit finicky, and only wants a little sip on the weekend.
"Weekends. Got it." Hank says, writing it down.
"Let me show you the upstairs plants." Hank grabs something from their laundry room, and starts to put it in his pocket.
"Ew. What the hell you want with them nasty old boulder holders?" Carl asks. And that's when I realized. He took one of Mrs. Johnson's bras.
"I practice opening 'em. Never know what kind of clasps you're gonna encounter in the dark. My motto? Be prepared." That's actually gross. Carl gets up and grabs some for himself, before making a decision to take a leak in the plant. I roll my eyes and scrunch my face up in disgust.
"Weekend came early."

"Thought you'd still be asleep?" Debbie says as Fiona comes down the stairs.
"We got a party to plan. Most important part of any birthday celebration: the cake. What are you feeling?"
"Hmm, strawberry and cheese coffee cake from Weber's Bakery. Definitely." Ooh that actually sounds good.
"Even your taste in food is like a 40-year-old. Okay, it's your party."
"Triple espresso lattes." Jasmine says, walking through the door.
"Hi, Jasmine."
"Does she have a key now?" Debbie asks.
"It was open." Jasmine answers.
"You really shouldn't sleep in your makeup by the way. It's looking like Courtney Love."
"Ooh, you are so welcome, Miss Debbie." Debbie and I leave the room and clean up the living room some.
We go straight back into the kitchen after Jasmine leaves.
"I think you should try to expand your social circle a little."
"Why? You have us, and V, and your pushy friend Jasmine, and that seems to be enough.
"I'm actually trying to expand my circle too. Meet new people." Suddenly, something crashes through the kitchen window, causing it to shatter. Fiona pushes Debbie and me behind her. Fiona gets up to discover that it's a brick that has the words 'home wrecker' written in white. I get up after she sets the brick down, Debbie stays on the floor.
"What about Ethel?" Fiona asks, not wanting to talk about what just happened. "Why not invite her?"
"She's more of a colleague."
"Come on."
"Okay, fine. So it'll be you, me, and Ethel."
"And Carl and Anne."
"What?" Carl says coming into the kitchen. He then notices me helping clean up glass. "Anne, get away from that." He yanks my arm and pulls me away from the broom.
"Jesus, Carl. Don't worry. My FA hasn't kicked in yet."
"Saturday night, you're coming to Deb's sleepover."
"Sounds gay." I hit Carl's arm. I keep trying to tell him not to say that.
"You can bring another friend." Oh great, he's gonna bring Hank. He's bad news.
"Okay."
"I want you to invite two more kids from your class that you like." Fiona says to Debbie.
"I don't like any kids in my class. And why is it that Carl and Anne don't have to invite classmates?" Debbie whines.
"They're not inviting anyone because they have each other, and kids don't really like them. Just invite two more that you sorta like or can stand to be around or think are cool or think maybe like you. You're a good kid, Debs. You deserve friends."