After James // phan

confidential pt. 2

Dan Howell. James McCloud.

Two different names, and two different people... supposedly. But they were so similar. So eerily similar that it caused doubts to creep into my thoughts.

And those doubts were only further encouraged by the name. James McCloud? As in James McCloud from Star Fox, an obscure Nintendo game that no one has even thought about in years? He couldn't sneak that reference past me, no sir. I played that obsessively when I was a kid, in fact, it was the first video game I ever completed, only 7 at the time. It could just be another coincidence I suppose. But if one needed a fake name where better to look than a minor character from an obscure, fictional universe?

The doubts were ridiculous, obviously. Why would someone create an entirely new identity for themselves in the first place? Perhaps it was too much exposure to farfetched crime dramas and fanciful soap operas that made me think that such an explanation was likely.

Or maybe it was the fact that he looked exactly like Dan. I'd had little interaction with Dan back in primary school, having been annoyingly separated by a number of year levels. But I remembered him nonetheless.

He was cute. I had always thought so. I had even voiced that a few times to some of my friends, who laughed and said that it was a little creepy given the age difference. But it was true. He was very cute. Still was, if that was indeed him that I had encountered earlier.

James. Dan. Regardless of name I probably would have asked him out. Age gaps don't seem as large once out of primary school.

I tend to forget, however, that not all guys I'm attracted to are necessarily attracted to guys. Wishful thinking prompts me to automatically assume that they're gay. And for me, wishful thinking always has a way of disguising itself as common sense.

The illusion was shattered by the revelation that Dan, or James, was in fact taken, and by a woman no less. But that was okay. A bit of a bummer. But that didn't mean we couldn't still be friends.

I truly hoped that I would see him around again. If not to become friends then to at least solve the mystery. The Dan/James identity enigma. For it was sure to plague me for the indefinite future.

Perhaps they were related. Perhaps they were doppelgangers. Or perhaps I wasn't remembering Dan as accurately as I thought I was. That was probably the most reasonable conclusion. My memory of his appearance must have faded over time and in reality Dan and James didn't look that similar at all.

And so I decided that the first thing I was going to do when I returned to my apartment was dig up my old yearbook and find a picture of Dan. I was determined to get to the bottom of the mystery. Eager to satiate my curiosity.

So eager in fact, that I almost didn't notice the blonde woman's struggle to open the door of the apartment opposite mine. Only her loud exclamation of "Shit!" snapped me out of my trance and alerted me to her presence.

All too familiar with the shoddy locks in this building I was quick to offer my assistance. "Don't force it," I warned her. "I've broken far too many keys that way."

The woman didn't turn around and simply groaned in frustration. "Then how else am I supposed to get in?" she snapped. She continued to try and force the key, rattling the door and ultimately kicking it in anger. "Son of a bitch!"

I let out a small chuckle and walked over to her. "May I?" The woman took a step back and gestured to the lock with a huff of annoyance. After only a few moments of fidgeting I managed to turn the key with a small and satisfying click.

"If it doesn't work, take it out and try again. Don't keep turning it." I smiled at the incredulous look on the woman's face and extended my hand. "I'm Phil. Experienced veteran of dodgy locks."

The woman hesitated for a split second before shaking my hand. "Darcy," she said in response. "And I'm not usually this grumpy, I swear. It's just been a long week."

I nodded understandably. "Did you just move in? I haven't seen you around before."

Darcy sighed and tucked a blonde, pink tipped curl behind her ear. "Yeah. A week ago. Hence the stressful week." She reached for the door knob, signalling the end of our interaction. "Moving isn't fun."

I nodded again, taking the hint. She did look rather tired and it was getting kind of late. If I were her I, too, would rather go to bed than stand outside talking to a stranger. "Well if you ever need anything, I'm right across the hall."

Darcy smiled appreciatively. "Thanks. If I'm ever locked out of my apartment again I know who to call." And with that she left, closing the door firmly behind her.

New neighbour. Funny, I hadn't realised the old one had left. Which was a shame because although Mrs Hopkin and I we weren't technically friends, and she always smelled like cabbage and moth balls, I would have liked to say goodbye to her. And her cat, which she technically wasn't allowed to have but I was happy to keep that secret for her.

But still, a new neighbour was exciting. And Darcy seemed nice enough. Flustered, but nice. Certainly a lot closer to me in age than Mrs Hopkin. And she didn't smell as bad either. Perhaps we could be friends.

James. Darcy. I was meeting lots of new people today. That is, if James did in fact count as a new person. Something that I wasn't entirely convinced of.

Tossing my keys and my bag onto the breakfast bar I immediately began my search. After a considerable amount of rummaging through my cluttered apartment I finally laid eyes on my yearbook. And after another long period of searching– of flicking pages, studying photographs, and the occasional reminiscing– I laid eyes on him.

No, my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. No, my memory was not deceiving me. Because that was him. That was James, I was sure of it. There, above the caption reading 'Dan Howell' and sporting considerably longer hair, was James.

Dan. James. They were identical. The eyes, the nose, the lips, the dimples, the freckles. Everything was exactly the same. Unless human cloning had been perfected without my knowledge, there was no other explanation that my mind could conjure up.

James was Dan and Dan was James. I was certain of it.

So why did he lie?

(disclaimer: this part was written by the beautiful  @phanoutlet )