I held Phil like my life depended on it. I held him close because he was all that was real, all I had from my past to truly hold. I had nothing, nothing, not even my name. I had Phil. Phil Phil Phil.
Every time I took a breath in, it was that perfumed soap and lingering smoke that just meant Phil, a solid, steady, perfect smell. Every breath out was like I was releasing just a tiny bit of my anxieties into the early morning air. The steam of my breath soaked into Phil's shirt along with my tears.
It was only then that I realised I had been crying.
"S-sorry," I mumbled, and a hiccup escaped my lips. Phil just nodded and rubbed tiny circles on my back.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I did. I really did. But I couldn't really explain it to him in a way he could understand with the little information he had. And I couldn't say it vaguely enough without completely destroying him. I knew he was already riddled with curiosity, and I knew that he was just waiting until he could learn more. I knew that. What I didn't know was what to say.
I pulled away from Phil and wiped my nose, a nervous, hiccup-y laugh escaping my lips.
"Just... just tell me you're okay?" Phil asked gently, hands still attached to my shoulders like they were stuck there with magnets. I wouldn't look him in the eye. No. I was not okay. My world, the new one, had come crashing down on my head today, and numbed me to the point where I couldn't feel my body shaking. I couldn't feel anything. Charlie's still MIA, though. That's what the officer had said.
Missing in action, somewhere in Manchester. He was in my house. He had looked through my stuff. He knew where I was. He knew everything.
My head was shaking a silent no before I could stop it, and Phil pulled me into another hug, ash dripping silently from the lit end of his cigarette and floating peacefully to the ground. Eventually, the butt joined them, as Phil seemed to forget all about it and just held me, tight but not too tight. I felt the illusion of safety creeping over me like a spider's web, cocooning me before I had a chance to stop it. I wasn't safe, but I was safe, because Phil had me.
Phil Phil Phil.
"Can I borrow your phone?" I asked after a while. I couldn't tell how much time had passed but I knew it was longer than it felt, because the sun was higher in the sky and Phil's arms and hands were around me so tight they had created red marks along my skin. He nodded quickly and handed me his cell, wiping his palms along the hem of his shirt. He was looking anywhere but at me. I stared at the phone in my hands and took a deep breath. I never wanted to type this number, even though I had stared at it for hours, repeating the numbers over and over and over again until they were etched into my brain permanently. This was the direct line to the agent specially assigned to my case.
"PJ Liguori," he answered in a gruff voice.
"Hi Agent Liguori, it's Da- uh, James. McCloud." And then I was stuck.
"Hello, James. Are you in a secure location?" Liguori sounded calm, like we was just running through procedure, following protocol, just a call-from-a-friend deal. My hands were so clammy I could barely hold the phone without it slipping through my fingers.
"I think so, yes. But I'd like to meet in person. I think we have a... problem. A big one. How soon can you be here?"
"I can send someone to meet you for your monthly debriefing early. Or would you like me, personally?"
"Yes, you, please." I glanced over at Phil, who was allowing his eyes to linger on me despite his hands wrapped tightly around his body. The sun had fully risen above the timberline and was casting a warm golden glow across Phil's porcelain skin. We locked eyes, and he gave the smallest smile.
"I will be at your current location within the hour. For now, I think you and Darcy should split up. Please, both of you find someone you are safe with." The line went dead, and I dropped the phone away from my face slowly, finally looking away from Phil.
"I need... somewhere to stay. Just for a little bit." Phil nodded, stepping toward me, reaching his hand out.
"You always have a place with me." Though I was expecting that answer, or something equally as flirtatious and kind, I still felt tears sting my eyes. I quickly embraced him again, wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight. My ear was pressed against his chest, the steady beating of his heart in time with my own.
"James, you're shaking," Phil said softly, wrapping his arms around me too. "Let's get you inside." I nodded, and Phil gently pushed me toward the door, arms still around me.
Phil quickly unlocked his door and pushed it open, a feat I would have marveled at at any other moment, and point me toward his bedroom. "You can change into something more comfortable if you want, t shirts are in the top drawer. And you can also call Darcy if you need to." I fingered the buttons on my dress shirt and stared down at my one sock, shaking so hard my teeth rattled. I don't know if Phil thought I was cold or if he knew I was just terrified. I still held his phone as he slipped into the kitchen.
I padded softly to his room and shut the door behind me gently, pressing my palms, and then my back, against it. I took a deep breath and pulled the phone to my face again, dialing Louise's number.
"H-hello?" Louise sniffled as she answered the phone.
"Hey, Darcy."
"Oh, James, I just called Liguori and he said we have to split up so I'm going to go to Dodie's house, you know Dodie, friend from work, and you need to go somewhere-" Louise started, as soon as she recognised my voice.
"Hey, hey, slow down. I called him too, and I'll see you soon okay? Stay with Dodie. I'm with... I'm with Phil." Louise sighed.
"Stay safe, love."
"You too, Darcy." She ended the call and the phone fell away from my face, landing with a clunk against the thinly carpeted ground. I forced myself to take deep breaths and calm myself down as Charlie's voice rang through my head.
I'll find you Dan. I'll find you. And if you think I'm gonna kill you, you've got another thing coming. There's a fate worse than death, Dan. I'll find you.
I gently pushed myself away from the door and began to undo my buttons, wanting nothing more in that moment than to wrap myself in something that smelled like Phil.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
After James // phan
फैनफिक्शनThey told Dan that he and Louise would be safe under their watchful eye. That all they had to do was move to Manchester, take on new identities, and no harm would come to them. The Witness Protection Program controls everything in their new lives; t...
