balmy || l.h.

six

I heard his car pulling up on the damp pavement of the parking lot. It had started to rain. Of course the one time it rains in California during the summer, it's when I'm stranded outside without a shirt.

The car pulled up in the spot near where I was sat on the curb and I shamefully stood up and opened the door. My arms were still wrapped around my chest and I couldn't even look Luke in the eye.

"Oh my god, Nat what happened?" He asked, a sense of panic in his tone. I shook my head because I knew if I said anything I'd start crying again, and there was no way in hell I would let Luke see me cry.

Luke lowered his voice and leaned in to me, concerned, "Did he-"

I shook my head, "No, no he didn't. He..." I had to pause so I could catch my breath and regain composure, "He took my sweater off and tried to...tried to...anyways I pulled away and got out of the car and then he just," I waved my hand in a motion signaling 'went away' and Luke nodded.

He slid his denim jacket off and handed it to me. I told him thank you with my eyes and put it on, buttoning it up to give me some warmth.

He looked me up and down and shook his head, "God, you're soaking wet and I'm sure you're freezing," he turned the AC down, "I'm gonna find this kid and beat his fucking ass."

I shook my head frantically as we drove away, "No, no Luke you can't do that, I'm fine I'm okay, just please leave it! I don't want another reason for him to come after me..."

I began to cry. I felt it happening before I even registered that it was about to. I tried to muffle the sobs but I hadn't had a good solid cry yet and my emotions felt like they were gonna explode like a shaken soda can.

I felt Luke's hand on my shoulder, rubbing comforting circles. He knows I've never been this vulnerable with him. I heard him sigh and remove his hand. He wiped his eyes. The hand returned to my shoulder.

I had never seen him this vulnerable either. He turned to look at me briefly while we were at a red light, "Can we make a pact to sob our eyes out right now and never mention it ever again?"

I nodded and answered through a whimper, "Yes please."

We both let it out. It was like the floodgates had opened. Warm, salty tears poured from both of our eyes and I could only see the blurry street lights out the window. Rain drops fell from the sky, almost mocking us.

I shook my head, "Why are you even upset?"

Luke wiped a tear from his face with the back of his hand and cleared his throat, "I shouldn't have let you go out with him. I knew something was up and now you're hurt."

"No, Luke you couldn't have known, it's okay, it isn't your fault at all."

He shrugged, "I'm disappointed in myself. And seeing you like this, I feel bad for how much of a dick I've been to you. Sometimes I guess I forget that you're vulnerable and emotional too. You just always put up a tough front."

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I never knew that Luke would ever feel bad for how he treated me. We were sort of siblings after all, that's just how that dichotomy goes.

We pulled up to the house and Luke parked the car. We both sat, looking straight ahead through the windshield. I looked at Luke, "We take this night to the grave."

He nodded, "To the grave. Tomorrow we go back to making fun of each other."

"Yes I completely agree," I said with a chuckle, "But maybe not as much."

He shook his head, "Definitely not as much. I really am sorry for all the things I've said to you."

I smiled, looking at the way the street lights shined through the window, reflecting off of his silver jewelry. He was looking at me through red wet eyes, tear trails running down his cheeks into his scruffy traces of facial hair. I couldn't look away.

"Me too."

He began to get out of the car and I touched his shoulder, "Wait. While we're still...off the record in the car, um...I..."

He looked at me, expectantly and I couldn't stop beating around the bush.

"I had my first kiss tonight."

He paused before responding and nodded slowly, chuckling, "Okay. Clearly it didn't go well."

"No it didn't. And it wasn't good. You sleep around, are kisses supposed to be wet and sloppy?"

He cocked his head and opened his mouth in shock, "You really just said I sleep around. And no. I mean kind of...like how was it...how was it wet?"

I shrugged, "It was spitty. And his tongue was like...way down in there..."

He grimaced, "Oh gross, don't ever say that again!" I laughed and he smiled shaking his head, "But no, that's not how a kiss is meant to be. He was aggressive."

I felt anxious and embarrassed about what I wanted to say next, but since we were off the record, "What is a kiss actually like?"

He ran his tongue over his teeth in thought before chuckling softly and looking down, "A kiss is...a kiss is supposed to be soft...but also a little firm. It should...erm...you should feel like a...like sort of a tingling in your lips if that makes sense? If it's with the right person, you'll know. You can feel it in your chest, it'll get warm. It feels like fireworks."

I smiled, playing with the sleeve hems on Luke's jacket I had on, "Okay...like fireworks."

He was looking at me as the radio played some synth rock song from the 80's and we sat in the silence until I giggled, "What? Do you I have something on my face?"

He took a breath in and shook his head, looking away, "No, no. We should get inside."