Mcsm Ivor x Soren

Storm in his mind

Warning! Slightly upsetting/depressing themes mentioned in this story!
Soren POV
It has been quite a while since I can reacll a time where the storm hasn't been residing in my mind.
The storm of my regrets.
I tried to talk about it, but something always held me back. The voice that said, What makes you think that they will help you? You, the person who originally split the Order apart, the coward who left them in their hour of need.
That voice was right. About everything. I abandoned them before the witherstorm fight. But, I eventually got it together, and rejoined them. They had welcomed me back with open arms, but I had always had a suspicion that it was just a charade, that they were just waiting for me to run away again. Ever since these thoughts became more and more frequent, I had begun to distance myself from the rest of them. The only thing that kept me from leaving entirely was Ivor.
My boyfriend was like the light at the end of the tunnel, the ray of hope in my otherwise stormy mind. Whenever I felt like leaving, I would remember him, and how heartbroken he would be to find out that I left him. He would blame himself, and that would lead to everyone else blaming themselves.
I simply couldn't do that to everyone, not after everything else I had done.
So, I smiled with everyone, laughed when they all laughed, and basically pretended that everything about my mind was utterly perfect. However, these past few days, Ivor has been getting suspicious of me. I always catch him taking second glances at me when he thinks I'm not looking. Right now, I was sitting on the couch, hugging my legs to my chest, eyes closed, and holding back the hurricane of tears that was threatening to blow through town. Ivor came into the room, and began talking to me. "There you are, Soren. Now, I was thinking that, later today, we could-" Suddenly, he seemed to realize how I was sitting. "Hey, hey, you okay?" he asked. I gasped, and gave Ivor a smile. "Oh, hey Ivor! Yeah, no, I'm fine!"  Ivor sat down next to me on the couch, looking concerned. "Listen, Soren, the others have noticed something is wrong. Now, they wanted me to tell you this- I want to stress how they aren't offended at all- they said if you find it hard to talk to them about whatever is going on with you, that's okay. You can talk to me." I shook my head silently, my smile fading fast. Ivor gently tilted my head so I was looking at him. "Listen, Soren, it's just us here. The others are out on missions. If you want to keep it a secret, that's fine. Remember though, it's just us." I don't know what in his words triggered this response within me, but suddenly, every tear that I had ever cried in private, in my sleep, or in my nightmares came roaring back with a vengeance. I wrapped my arms around Ivor, and pulled him close to me, resting my head on his shoulder as waterfalls of tears came cascading out of my eyes. Ivor said nothing, he just gently began to rub his hand up and down my back, his other arm wrapped gently but firmly around me. His soothing touch gradually sent waves of calm through , and eventually, the tears subsided, leaving me a siffling mess. Ivor looked at me, and asked, "Soren, what's this about? Why where you crying?" I kept holding on to him, sighed, and said. "Everything. I've done so much to hurt everyone." Ivor shook his head. "No, no, that isn't true, Soren!" I pulled away from the hug to stare him in the eyes. "Yes it is, Ivor! Think about it: I created the command block that inevitably ended up splitting up the Order. Rather than staying to try and help, I closed myself off in the End like a coward. I accused Jesse of sabotaging the Formidi-bomb out of selfish anger. I kept the command block's past secret hidden from the world. I ran away from the witherstorm, endangering everyone. Don't you see it now? I'm a danger to everyone I've ever cared about!" I was standing up at this point, staring down at Ivor from where he was sitting. Ivor stood up, and gently laced his fingers with mine, staring into my eyes. "Soren, listen to me. You are not a danger to anyone. All those things you described, you shouldn't be blaming yourself for them. You may try to convince me that our lives would be better if we never met you, but, you know what?" I gently looked at him, leftover tears pooling from my eyes. "What?" I asked. Ivor gently blushed, and said, "You're one of the most amazing people I have ever known." I blushed, laughed, and said, "Come on, Ivor! Be serious!" He picked me up bridal style, and said, "There's my Smiley Sorey. Good to see you again." I chuckled. That was one of his favorite nicknames for me. He gently leaned towards my mouth, and planted a swift but firm kiss on my lips. He gently carried me to his room, and wrapped the both of us in his blanket. I felt his arms wrap around me, and saw him nod off. I blushed because I had always thought Ivor looked utterly beautiful in his sleep, his face peaceful and free of the rough emotions that come to bother him on a day-to-day basis. As I gently nodded off to sleep, I knew that the storm in my mind had finally left for good.