Irradiated

Chapter 12: Should I?

There had to be a reason, right? People didn't just decide they "should" for no reason. That was clear to me. One of the things that wasn't clear to me, however, was that they were deciding it on their own, without even stating what it was. If they asked me a question, it needed to be explained!

It wasn't just a simple question of, "Should I, or should I not?" Should I, or should I not, what?!

I kept rambling on like that, arguing in my mind, until night came around. Yes, I spent my entire noon and evening turning myself inside out to search for any possible answers. Had I made any enemies, that were still alive, that could have possibly been the Bomber?

The Beast wasn't a possibility. Or... was it? No, he wasn't one to be bombing areas. He would've wanted to hurt people directly, making sure they suffered.

"Keep thinking so hard like that and you might lose a few brain cells." Mac's voice woke me from my intense thoughts.

"Might as well, while I'm at it." I answered begrudgingly. I really wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"You and Angeli are too much alike. Look." I turned to see Angeli staring off in the distance, just like I was only seconds ago.

"Huh. I guess we're both paranoid." I ran my hand over my face and sighed softly.

"Let's rest here." Derrick ordered quietly. "Let's call it a pit stop. We're in Hoge Veluwe right now, so hang tight. We'll get to Tilburg in about two more days." I watched as everyone else piled around a nearby vacant clearing, but I remained staring at the shadows surrounding us.

"Aren't you going to come?" Naomi's sweet voice asked me timidly.

"Uh... yeah, just give me a minute." I expected her to walk away, but she remained standing by my side.

"You don't have to act like you're not scared for her, you know." My eyes searched hers immediately, startled by her statement.

"What do you mean?"

"I see the way you look at her and how you talk to her. Don't act like you don't fear for Angeli's safety." She cleared up, but it left me with an unsure feeling. I wasn't trying to act like I didn't care about her.

"Am I acting like that right now?" She looked at me with her bright minted eyes.

"Not right now, but you seem like you're trying to say something on the outside, while you feel something else on the inside."

"Hmm." I hummed, unresponsive.

"See? Like that. What are you feeling right now?" I glared around my surroundings, the tense feeling of being watched still overwhelming me.

"Honestly, wary. I have no idea who this person is and it's driving me insane, not knowing who it is."

"Then don't wait for them to come to you. You go to them."

"As if I knew where they were." I was being grumpy, probably too grumpy, but I wasn't noticing.

"Search." She said simply before turning and finally walking away. I let out a long exhale as I stared up at the dark indigo sky. The stars twinkled happily, while I felt trapped.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do, if I'm even supposed to be doing anything. Looking for you... would be dangerous. I don't know you, or maybe I do. I have no clue as to the answer, but I know you're dangerous. I just... I feel so trapped." I mumbled at a white-red star in the sky. "God, I really am insane, aren't I?" I trotted back to where everyone else was gathered, getting ready for a night of rest.