Magic Touch

Chapter 18 - Termination

Following her talk with Rose, Kate was scrambling to adjust her case mix. Stacks of paperwork covered her desk and she had scribbled additional notes on a blank sheet of printer paper. Among those notes was a list of phone numbers - each one belonging to a patient whose surgery presented an unacceptable risk when magic wasn't an option. Below it was another list of names. These belonged to patients in the hospital, whom she figured she would go talk to face to face when she was done with the phone calls. It wasn't like they were going anywhere.

Phone calls weren't the best way to break such news but the time limitation left her little choice. Rose would likely press her to select a case soon and she wanted to ensure her case list was safe by that time. She still had a while before it would be too late to make calls, but she would be hard pressed to make it through the entire list in that span of time. Clenching her fists, she decided now was not the time to worry about how much she could get done. Doing was of the essence, then she'd worry about what was left.

Her stomach lurched as she picked up her phone. The speech was ready in her mind, she had rehearsed it while going over all the paperwork, but delivering it would be a different thing entirely. These were real people, with hopes, dreams and emotions just like everyone else. And life-threatening illness which she would be denying them treatment for.

Her words would be signing the death warrant of some of these people. That fact was undeniable.

She dialed the first number and sucked in a breath. The phone rang several times before someone picked up.

"Hello? This is Jocelyn Winters." A frail, wheezing voice with a quality that only came with vocal cord damage came from the other end.

Kate felt like hurling. The name hadn't rung any bells while she was leafing through the papers, but the voice was one she hardly could forget. Poor Jocelyn had a host of surgeries behind her, and Kate had been part of one where it eventually turned out that the anesthesia team had damaged her vocal cords in the process of intubation. The many surgeries meant that navigating her anatomy would be hell, and the woman had a host of other conditions alongside her heart problem. Hence the call she was making.

She'd had lengthy talks with Jocelyn and knew well how much the woman had struggled to find someone willing to perform surgery on her. The long term, she reminded herself. In the long term there were going to be many more patients like her. Taking the risk now would be to let them all down.

"Hello?" Jocelyn repeated, making Kate realize that she hadn't actually said anything yes.

"Sorry. This is Kate Aster." Though she knew Jocelyn couldn't see her on the other end her face scrunched up into an apologetic expression. "I need to discuss the upcoming surgery we have you scheduled for," Kate trailed off as she leafed through Jocelyn's case file to locate the exact date. "The 14th. Thursday of next week."

"Oh." Jocelyn's voice darkened, almost as if she could sense Kate's intent. "Is there a problem?"

Kate steeled herself. "I'm very sorry to inform you that, due to unforeseen circumstances, the surgery will have to be called off. I know how much this meant to you and-" Her breath caught in her throat when she heard a sob from the other end of the line.

"I... I see." Jocelyn's voice was strained, but seemed to remain under her control. It gradually softened. "Those earlier surgeries were already a lot to ask for, weren't they? Part of me always thought that. I suppose this ought not to come as a surprise to me."

"That's not quite it, I," Kate paused as she fumbled for words. "This is a temporary issue. It may be possible to reschedule the surgery in a few months' time. I can't make an exact promise about the time, but-"

"Dear." Jocelyn cut her off, her tone soft yet still conveying that arguing would be pointless. "You've already done a lot for me. I would be lying if I said that this didn't upset me, but I'm sure there are good reasons behind your decision. That's the sort you struck me as, at least. In a few months... it'll likely be too late for me at that point, and I think we both are well aware of that."

Kate resisted the urge to go into detail about her reason. Part of her felt like she owed Jocelyn the truth, but telling her would ultimately accomplish nothing. If anything she was lucky that Jocelyn wasn't taking her disappointment out on her. Instead she lowered her head and forced out her next sentence.

"I wish it weren't so, but you're very likely correct. Again, I'm terribly sorry for this. If an opening should come up after all, I'll be sure to contact you."

Her words elicited another sob from Jocelyn. "Thank you, thank you. You're too kind."

"Not at all. Take care." Kate hastily ended the call. Once she'd hung up she noticed that her hands were shaking. She felt more akin to an executioner than a healer. It didn't help that there still was a long list of calls to be made. Still trembling, she forced herself to dial the next number on the list. She didn't expect all of her patients to be as understanding as Jocelyn - far from it - but at the moment she felt that their anger was what she actually deserved.

Kate didn't know how she did it, but she somehow managed to make it all the way to the end of the list of phone numbers without crying. Moments after she ended the last call, the floodgates opened. She had been shouted at, called names, and in one case even threatened. The thing was, she didn't blame anyone because it all felt justified. It was her fault for taking the cases in the first place. For not being skilled enough to evade Rose's sharp gaze. To mess everything up.

She buried her head in her hands and cried.