Kiss of Osiris

Chapter Six

"That was when I started the tally. Surely if the good I did would outweigh the bad then god would forgive me, right? Let me go to heaven? Maybe he left a part of hell in me, a little of the devil so I could prove myself. That even though I'm monstrous, I'm not really a monster. That- That there's still some good in me. I tried only to kill bad men. To feed on them. No one's really going to miss a few thugs here, and few murderers there?"

"I used to stalk the prisons and where the gangs would be. Crimelords would disappear never to be seen again. But nobody missed them. Not really. Another up-and-comer would arise and take their place. A drop of crystal in an endless sea. I thought of myself as a force of nature, an angel of death. The lord's righteous judgment. His executioner. A devil who was really an angel. But that's what I would tell myself. The police are corrupt, the judges are corrupt, everything's corrupt. The only thing anyone understands in this sludge-hole of a world is greed and money. And violence. Oh yes, they would understand that." His eyes flashed as a terrible grin stretched across his face.

"But I still slip up every now and again. There was this old man, named Savine. He found me writhing in a ditch in the full day's sun. He somehow dragged me back to his little hut and nursed me back to health for three days. The shivers stopped. But it wasn't the sun makin' me sick. It was the hunger. I cleaned out the last of the bandits a few weeks back and had nothing but frogs and critters to eat. I never wanted to eat a righteous man again."

"But Savine, that ol' fool... I begged him, pleaded him. Run! Run you ol' bastard! Or better yet, kill meh', yea kill meh' dead! But that ol' kind-hearted fool, he thought it was only the delirium talking and kept nursing me back to health. I tried crawling away and jumping offa' cliff but I found I couldn't cross a running stream of freshwater! How nuts is that? Something prevented me from going. Guess some of those old tales are halfway right."

"Anyways, ol' Savine tied me down real good for my own benefit he sez'. Sez' I'm acting all sorts of nutso. Three nights later I'm hootin' and hollerin' and making an otherworldly racket. Savine comes running in to see what's the matter. But he's the matter you see! At the scent of his lifeforce and psychic energy or whatever the hell it is - my muscles bulged and I burst out of my restraints like a knife through cake. My eyes glowed and my claws grew, and before I can tell him to run I-I-I..." 

Amazed Evee reached out and touched his shoulder. He brushes it off, but not with acrimony. "In the end, it was his kindness that killed him. He should have left me in the ditch to die. Would have been better that way. For everyone. That was when I had an epiphany. There was no god. No devil. No nothin'. It's all just a big nothin'. And I felt despair like I never had before."

"I gingerly took the old man's body and gave him a proper burial. I took some of the spoils of a drug king's treasure I stole and laid diamonds and gemstones around his body. I got him the most expensive tombstone there was and paid my respects. But there was one thing left I had to do. I found a silver spoon. Pure as an angel from heaven. Using gloves and a facemask I melted it right down there in the fireplace so it had a sharpened point. To make atonement. If there was a god he knew my pain and suffering. He or she, whatever it is, must know I didn't choose this. I could'nt help myself, I can't - but I could do this. Once it cooled I knew what I had to do..."